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Showing posts from 2011

Wednesday, October 19, 2011

I got up and went to work.  I called my son on my way to make sure he was up.
I took some more calls.  I still knew very few of the answers without help.  I just feel plain helpless.
Blah!  I am doing my best - I wonder if it will be good enough.

I got off work and went home.  Vegged out.  My hubby brought home dinner and we all watched some TV.  Not much of a day.  I am still tired and sick.  NyQuiling myself to sleep and hoping for a better day.

I did talk to my daughter today - it looks like we will have her on Saturday if she continues to do well.  We think we will take her to a pumpkin farm in Wheatville - it should be fun and distracting to start our visits out of the right foot I hope.

Tuesday, October 18, 2011

I got up and headed to work.  I called my son to make sure he was up.  I got setup and then they logged me in to take calls.  I struggled a lot.  I was able to answer maybe 3 calls on my own.  I just was so frustrated with myself.  I hate feeling like I don't know anything and really not understanding anything.  I just hope I get the hang of this.

I left work feeling pretty down and overwhelmed.  I headed home - did a couple things and then took my son to choir.  I came home and laid down.  I just wanted to cry.  I am so tired, I am not doing what I want to do, I am struggling to learn, and I am still sick.  I know things will get better.

My hubby picked up my son and we ate dinner.  After dinner I saw my step-dad and posted pictures he took at the graduation so I uploaded them to my facebook and forwarded them to my friends.  I also gave my hubby the info for the house rental in AZ so he can contact our landlords for a good reference.

Maybe tomorrow will be better - I think some …

Monday, October 17, 2011

I got up and headed to work.  I called my son on the way to make sure he was up.  I spent the day getting my computer ready and shadowing phone calls and doing some training.  It kept being planned I would be on the phones but did not work out that way - tomorrow I will start on the phones.  I am nervous and scared and feel totally unprepared for that.

I got home.  I am tired and still coughing.  Got the basics together - fixed dinner.  Watched some tv and went to bed.  I struggled to try to get to sleep - I am so scared, nervous and anxious about taking calls tomorrow.

Sunday, October 16, 2011 - MY GRADUATION DAY!!!!

YEA!  So my graduation day!  I got up nervous and excited and anxious.  I was bouncing around and acting really weird but what can I say I am graduating today!!!!  We left later than planned but my hubby drove and somehow arrived in time.  Not sure what the guys did during the next few hours but I stood around - nibbled a little on food - caught up with my friends and got ready.  We had to take photos.  Between my nerves, standing, climbing stairs and walking up and down ramps my legs were starting to give out but I had awesome friends that were so sweet by walking arm in arm with me part of the way making it look like we were just solid friends joined together in fun.  We sat and listened to an amazing speech.  That our lives can be lived by taking a mom's advice - 1.  Becareful (think before you do something) 2.  Call me when you get there (keep in contact with friends and family - they can be a great support) 3.  Always wear clean underwear (don't air your dirty laundry in …

Saturday, October 15, 2011

I got up and went out shopping.  I had hoped to find nice shoes or a nice outfit for my graduation on Sunday.  I didn't find a nice dress but I did find a nice blouse that I like and it will go well with my long black skirts and I also found a couple nice tops for work.  I still didn't find shoes that I liked.  I went home and talked to my hubby about shoes.  He suggested this one place he knows and we went there.  They were helpful and I found a really nice pair of shoes for my graduation.  Nice black low heeled pumps that have a strap so I shouldn't slip and fall.  I am getting so excited about my graduation and looking forward to going to Rainforest Cafe in SF afterwards.  My parents are going to go to my graduation and my brother and his wife.

I kept my son doing his homework and he finished before the dance - YEA!  He went to the dance and had a good time although his date didn't want to dance so that was a bit frustrating.

I need to get to bed but I am soo excite…

Friday, October 14, 2011

I got up and went to work.  The end of my first week at work.  I cannot believe that after a week I still feel so overwhelmed.  I got a phone call about an interview for next Wednesday.  It is more in my new line of work - casemanagement.  I accept - 1pm on Wednesday - maybe I will get the job and not have to work in technical support.

A few more videos and shadowing people on calls.
I get off work and stop at Round Table Pizza and then Papa Murphy's Pizza since there is no reason my hubby should go all the way the other direction when I pass right by there.

I get home and my hubby get's home not long after me.  We sit and eat pizza and do family movie night.  At last a weekend - I can relax a bit and sleep in - hopefully I can kick this cold before my Graduation on SUNDAY!  I am sooo excited!

My hubby and I stay up talking for awhile.  I feel bad for grounding my son but unsure if I should have said he could go to the dance.  I know how teen girls are so I don't want his …

Thursday, October 13, 2011

I got up and went to work.  I continued to sit in on calls and installations.  I am understanding a few more things but still it is so overwhelming.  The day went fast.  I learned about another product that only a few of the techs have worked with.  I ran through some installations on my own computer.

I headed home from work.  Chatted with my mom.  When I got home I checked my son's grades and saw that my son HAD NOT been turning in homework for Math and he had been lying to me.  I told him he was grounded from the homecoming activities tomorrow.  He would be allowed to go to the dance but otherwise he was grounded while he did his missing homework. 

I let my son's dad know and then I emailed an old teach of mine and let her know how much she had helped me.  Dealing with my son's homework and school work made me remember how hard certain teachers pushed me and how much that helped me doing my Master's degree so many years later.  I went to bed frustrated.  My son has …

Wednesday, October 12, 2011

I got up groggy and coughing horribly but I knew I needed to go to work.  I got my son up just before I left.  Today at work I got to sit and shadow a co-worker on calls.  It was interesting.  I still understand very little of it but I was able to at one point know what the answer was.  I hate feeling so overwhelmed.  They are telling me I will be on the phones starting next week and I just feel so dumb.

I wish I felt better because it would be easier to learn if I could get rid of this cold.  I was also panicking because EDD was requiring me to go to a class on finding a job in order to get my several weeks unemployement and I could not get ahold of them to let them know I found a job and because I was working I could not make the meeting.

After work I tried to go to EDD but I was too late.  I got home and we ate, watched a little TV.  My son was excited his Frank the Bunny Costume came and he really liked it.

Finally I went to bed - frustrated and tired.  I feel like I just can'…

Tuesday, October 11, 2011

I got up totally unrested and anxious and went to work.  Back to watching videos all day.  I did get to sit in on a couple of call by the guy training me.  Kind of scary since all of the jargon they are throwing around is so foreign to me.  I at least like listening to the guys banter around they seem really nice.

I am also helping label and put stamps on envelopes - at least something I feel like I am helpful with.
I know somehow I will start to understand all of this but for now I feel so overwhelmed I cannot even imagine that all of this will be routine someday.

I got off work and called my son right away to remind him to be ready for me to take him to choir.  I am now checking in with my mom on my way home now but they are usually about to have dinner or having dinner so the timing isn't working as much as I want it to be - but I am talking to her more often than when I was unemployed or working from home.

I rushed home, picked up my son and rushed to drop him off at choir.  T…

Monday, October 10, 2011

I hardly slept and I kept waking up afraid I would miss my alarm.  I got up and made my lunch and left for work.  I arrived early.  They put me in a conference room to do my paperwork.  I did my paperwork and then had to go wandering to find someone to hand it to.  I got to me the co-worker who would train me and and then they had me sit down and watch videos.

I watched training videos on their product ALL DAY.  I was struggling to stay awake.  It was hard to do all day but at least it wasn't too bad.  I headed home.  My first day at my new job down.  The programs seem ok but this is a whole different industry so I am really overwhelmed by the terminology.  It seems like everything is in a different language.  They also told me they expect me on the phones in just a day or two - YIKES!

I made dinner and relaxed with my hubby and son and watched tv.  I tried to force myself to go to bed early but it didn't happen.  So my hubby and I spent awhile talking and trying to find a pla…

Sunday, October 9, 2011

I am still coughing and I am so nervous.  I got up and emailed a bit.  I went back and laid down.  I got back up and started picking up the house.  I was tired and nervous and really felt anxious.  I just couldn't get comfortable and struggled to read something I was enjoying.  The day went by like any other.  Chats and encouragement from my friends and my family going out of the way not to upset me.  We had dinner and though I tried to get to bed early I just really couldn't get to sleep.

Really a lot of nothing except being anxious.  I look forward to my first 2 weeks being done with at my job and to start feeling comfortable.

Saturday, October 8, 2011

My son spent the night at a friend's house and won't be home until he is ready to go to roller skating this evening at our rink that just reopned.  Hubby and I relaxed quite a bit.  I did a lot of emailing trying to find a place to stay in February for his surgery.  A lady called and she offered us to rent her whole house except her master bedroom.  It has a pool and a hot tub.  She sent pictures and it seems perfect.  She will give me more information in the next day or two so I can send a rental application.

My son came home and rested for a bit and then I drove him to the rink.  Hubby and I just enjoyed the quiet.  I did some reading.  He called when he was ready to be picked up.  He could barely walk because he got such a big blister, but he said he had fun.

We all went to bed not long after that.
I started having problems sleeping.  I am getting so nervous about starting a new job.  I hate starting over again but I just keep trying to look on the positive side - I have a …

Friday, October 7, 2011

I got up and made sure my son got off to school.  I checked my email and responded to a few and then got back in bed and cuddled with my hubby.  I feel so much lighter - I don't feel like I have the weight of the world on my shoulders.  My hubby and I got up and we got ready and left.  He drove to SF.  It was a nice drive and we enjoyed our conversation with each other.  We got to his doctor's office and I sat and read.  He was out in a reasonable time - I really didn't notice the time because I was enjoying my book so much.  Then he decided to check in with his other doctor.  At that time I got a call from my son's best friend's dad about scouting stuff and that gave me a chance to ask if my son would be able to stay with him for 2 weeks for my hubby's surgery.  He said no problem.  AWESOME!

I walked into the dr office and only had to sit for a couple of minutes.  My hubby was done.  As we walked out of the office we saw the Blue Angels doing different formati…

Thursday, October 6, 2011

I got up and got my son up.  Today I go to the laser hair removal place - I am kind of excited.  I remember not having to shave my face a long time ago after my laser treatmens being able to go without shaving and having peach fuzz!  I hope this works well.

I started the day off looking for vacation rentals in the area of where my hubby will be getting surgery because the cost of a hotel for a month is just too high - in the range of nearly $4K.

I went to the laser place and right after I got out of there, I missed a phone call.  I checked my voicemail and it was from the place I interviewed yesterday at.  I was nervous, I called him back and he took a couple of minutes but then told me I got the job.  I will start on Monday!!! YEA!!!  It is much lower than I had wanted but it is a job.  I will start at $17.50 an hour but there will be room to increase after my 3 month probationary period. 

With that out of the way and the weight lifted I can enjoy a day in SF with my hubby tomorrow.…

Wednesday, October 5, 2011

First - Sorry I have been so delinquent in my posts.  Things changed rapidly and then it seemed so daunting to catch up.  I have promised myself I will try to catch up and keep up.  So to anyone reading this - yes I am more than a month behind but I hope shortly to be caught up.

I will continue writing as if I am at the date in the post since I will remember the day as I walk back through my notes.

So here it goes:
I got up.  I hadn't slept well because I was so nervous.  I made sure my son was up.  I went to the interview.  It seemed to go ok, but who knows.  I did something that maybe was foolish but I felt wrong not doing it, I let them know I would need time off at the end of February and beginning of March for my hubby's surgery.  It may keep me from getting the job, but I just didn't want to put them in a bad position in a few months without them knowing.  I still hope I land a therapist job but this doesn't seem bad.  They said I should hear by the end of the we…

Tuesday, October 4, 2011

I got up and made sure my son was out the door on time and then made sure my hubby got up and out on time.  I spent the day focusing on trying to find a job.  I got a call to have a 2nd interview for the place I interviewed for last Wednesday.  That made me feel good - it is down to about 8 people.  I got information from my hubby's doctor so we have a timeline for his surgery on Feb 28th.  I started making some calls about places to stay.  Looks like it will be harder than I thought and more expensive as that is when the SF Giants will be doing spring training.  I started dinner cooking in the crock pot and then my son came home from school.  We talked and he cleaned his room.  Then we headed off to choir.  I came home and hubby and I got a chance to just talk.  My hubby picked up my son after choir and we then ate dinner.  By the time we finished it was getting late.  So we went to bed.  I was trying to get my laundry done - my hubby helped finish it up.  I am really anxious abo…

Monday, October 3, 2011

I got up and made sure my son was up and then made sure my hubby was up.  After they left, I got myself together and did one more round of shopping.  I came home and watched some tv while looking for a job.  I just was so wiped out and tired of feeling so bad.  I also just was sinking deeper into depression.  I really need a job and I just feel so worthless.  I did make sure that I had dinner ready when my hubby got home and we have a nice early meal and we were able to watch some tv shows together and we had a nice evening.

Sunday, October 2, 2011

Got up kind of late.  Went shopping and saved quite a bit of money doing the couponing that I had been working on.  Talked to my mom.  Went to McDonalds for lunch and hubby was able to sit up with me a large part of the day and we watched Bull Riding.  It was an easy and relaxing day.  I picked up my son when he called and he finished off his chores and we had Taco Bell for dinner.  We watched some TV and laughed and joked.  It was nice to have some time together - it is just too bad that my hubby and I are still feeling so bad.

Saturday, October 1, 2011

Since my son was gone on a camping trip - I could just relax around the house and my hubby stayed in bed quite a bit of the time.  I was able to clean up a few more things and we watched tv and just relaxed.  At least my hubby was able to be up more than he was yesterday - I think he is improving.  I have a plan to go grocery shopping tomorrow so I am saving my energy to do that.

Friday, September 30, 2011

I got up - my hubby was still sick - I made sure my son got going to school.  I reminded him he had chores and was leaving for a camping trip.  I was able to finish cleaning up the house and apply for more jobs.  My son called from school with 2 hours until he would be leaving for his camping trip and wanted to see how a friend who had been sick was doing.  Needless to say when he got home with less than an hour to go before we had to leave he was only able to pack and he was not able to do his chores.  I took him and dropped him off at the meeting place so he could go to camp and then headed to Mt. Mikes to get pizza for my hubby and I.  I got my hubby up to watch some tv and eat pizza.  At least he was able to stay up longer this time.  We chatted and eventually went to bed.  I just hope my son doesn't get sick and I hope my hubby recovers faster than me since I am still coughing pretty bad.

Thursday, September 29, 2011

Well hubby had felt sick last night and he was really sick with what sounds like I have today and he called in to work.  My son got up and was running late so I took him to school.  I went back to bed for awhile and then I got up and actually had enough energy to clean up part of the house and start running some dishes.  My son came home after school and then went back out - his venture crew is not tonight like we thought so he was able to spend some time with friends.  He came home for dinner and I went and got us all Subway (while we were there my daughter and her therapist called - I was rather confused because last I heard she did not want to see us anymore and now they were asking when she could come for a visit - so we agreed I would go to therapy next Wed so we could discuss things).  I got my hubby up (pretty much the only time he was up) and he ate dinner with us and went back to bed.  I stayed up with my son for a bit longer and then we all went to bed.

Wednesday, September 28, 2011

I had to get up and leave early - made sure my son was up and when I called home to make sure my hubby was up he didn't answer the phone which meant he was in the shower already.  My new doctor on this new health plan was ok.  She said I would just have to ride out this annoying cold.  I will go back in a few weeks for a full physical.  Found a web page of therapists in the area that do what I want to do so I started working on emailing them to see if they have any ideas on the direction I should go.  I was really tired and still feeling pretty sick.  I basically vegged out the rest of the day.  I hate being this sick and feeling this crappy.  I have so much to do and I feel like I am wasting time.

Tuesday, September 27, 2011

I got up this AM - made sure my son was off to school - made sure my hubby got out of the house on time and then took a shower and took meds so I would be ready for my interview.  I headed to my interview and got there with time to spare.  I finally decided to go in the 15 min early because I was guessing they would have me fill out paperwork - I was right.  So I did the application and then did the interview.  I think it went rather well - but they have a lot of applicants - the room was full when I left of people filling out applications.  I headed home - I had intended to go grocery shopping but I was still wiped out.  I came home looked for jobs for a bit longer and then just rested and slept while watching tv.  My son came home and I worked on chores and homework then I took him to choir.  My hubby picked him up from choir and we ate dinner.  I went to bed hoping that tomorrow I would feel better.

Monday, September 26, 2011

Woke up and made sure my son was out of bed and on his way to school and that my hubby got up on time.  I was sick as a dog.  Darn I really had hoped that I was almost over whatever I had gotten.  It seems to have gone into my lungs - I am coughing a lot and raspy breathing.  I tried to get a grocery list together and also started applying for things that came up last week.  I got a call about a job I applied for a couple weeks ago and they want me on an interview tomorrow (Tuesday) - I said yes - darn I am going to have to medicate the heck out of myself to sound ok. 

I really didn't get to much else as I was so exhausted.  The house is still a mess and I have a million things running through my head.  Tomorrow I will have an interview at 10am in El Dorado Hills and then in the evening I will need to take my son to choir.

 I left a message for my daughter's therapist so we can try to figure out what needs to be done next.

Sunday, September 25, 2011

I got up early - it had been a hard night as I had a fever part of the night but it broke and I thought I was getting better - we settled our hotel bill - I have to say having a roommate is so wonderful - 1.  It cuts the cost of the hotel room in half and 2.  You have support and someone to process so much stuff that you are dealing with.  My roommate was dealing with her own issues so the two of us supported each other (and of course she orchestrated the fishnapping!) I highly suggest getting a roommate!  I got to the airport - you got to laugh - I was there 2 hours early because of security and yet the counters didn't open until about an hour before the flight was to take off.  The flight home was easy and my hubby picked me up - I felt really tired - and then went to bed.  Between fighting for my daughter and being sick - I just was exhausted.

Saturday, September 24, 2011

I got up for a great breakfast.  I also got a message from one of my attorney's telling me they had got a judge to sign something that would allow me to appeal and my daughter would be moved back to her group home during the appeal process.  With that good news I went down for the keynote speaker and there were coloring crayons and cool little toys on the tables - again what a way to remind us to see through the eyes of a child.  The keynote speaker was Dr. Laurie Anne Pearlman discussing Vicarious and Secondary Trauma: The costs of caring - which basically verified what we all as parents know - dealing with our children and the trauma they have experienced means that we experience it too.  It was nice to have a professional say that what we go through really is expected (what do you know everything we KNOW here on this support group - is verified by professionals - at least he ones who understand).  She gave some suggestions on taking care of ourselves and understanding how it ca…

Friday, September 23, 2011

Yet another wonderful breakfast (oh and please note - each time I was down in the food area - I was bidding on some of the silent auctions - LOL - I told my hubby I would be good (I was - well as good as I could be - but there were really cool magnets and someone brought amethyst which you all know i could not pass up))  Today was a workshop day and my first workshop was Consultation and Case Presentation Using Dyadic Developmental Psychotherapy presented by  Dr. Arthur Becker-Weidman - I really wanted to take this one because I am very interested in learned more about DDP because i have heard so many wonderful things about it in attachment therapy, especially with teens and my daughter's therapist is learning DDP so I thought it could be beneficial on a personal level.  I learned a lot - got to see how it could be used by several role playing scenarios and that was really helpful to get a step by step idea of different ways you could go about it.  At this point my personal life w…

Thursday, September 22, 2011

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I got up and headed down a little early to help out - Again a wonderful breakfast.  Our keynote speaker for the morning was Ed Tronick  who discussed how infants and toddlers try to connect with caregivers and how frustrated they get if they cannot and how after awhile they give up.  He had an amazing video  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=apzXGEbZht0   and also consulted on Law and Order http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ySBBYfzxQes&feature=relmfu.  The videos were really helpful to drive the point home how easy it is for there to be attachment related issues and how they start.  Also to note - cute sunglasses and such were put on each table - so we really could see through a child's eyes.  We had a networking lunch where there were different topics and signs up - I sat in the Western US table and got a chance to meet some people that were from California.  Then it was time for workshops - I chose to go to EMDR - Family Therapist Team Treatment for Attachment Trauma in Children b…

Wednesday, September 21, 2011

I got up and headed down a few minutes early to help a bit.  Then I ate breakfast - It was great pastries, cereal, milk, coffee, soda, yogurt, fruit, OJ another kind of juice - it was wonderful for someone like me who HAS to have something besides carbs to make it through the day - I was trying to get by without buying much because being unemployed, I really shouldn't have gone to the conference - my excuse though is I paid for the conference and the flight when I HAD a job (yea that was my excuse - LOL) - so breakfast was great and I chose the session with John Briere  http://www.johnbriere.com/itct_a.htm - For me - I chose this session Integrative Treatment for Complex Trauma in Adolescents because not only do I want to know more how to work with the teen kids I often work with but I also wanted to see if there was anything new I could use with my nearly 16 year old daughter.  While nothing was actually "new" to me - one of my issues is that pretty much therapy the cou…

Tuesday, September 20, 2011

I got my hubby up and we drove nearly an hour to the airport.  He went back home to get ready for work.  I went through security with no problem and the plane left with no problem (I guess my bad luck on the flights I took the week before did not carry over) I had an hour layover in Las Vegas - it was here I started questioning whether I should have gone to this conference because my daughter's therapist told me she thought I needed to get an attorney right away because things were happening after my daughter had requested to be moved to another group home and to not reunify (she is almost 16) - distraught I got on the next leg of the plane.  I arrived in Omaha to WONDERFUL WEATHER - it had been already in the low 90s when I left Sacramento at 8am - and was over 100 in Las Vegas - Omaha - about 75!!!!!  I called the hotel and they said the shuttle would be there soon.  It got there and took me to the Hotel.  Before I had left I had been studying my facebook to memorize what my roo…

Monday, September 19, 2011

I got up and made sure my son was out of bed and on his way to school.  Then I made sure my hubby got up.  I was supposed to be packing today - those who really get to know me will find I constantly distract myself - I am ADHD at its finest.  Instead of packing I was at my favorite store in the WHOLE WORLD - Michaels (if you don't have them where you are it is an amazing arts and crafts store that has all kinds of stuff for nearly every craft imaginable.)  They also have really inexpensive T-Shirts.  I found 3 black T-shirts for my evil plan (evil laugh rubbing hands together) and iron on paper for an ink jet.  I went on google images (ok really how cool is google images where you can type in anything you want and find pictures of it - just be careful if you do not have some filtering on - the most innocent searches would embarrass Hugh Heffner) - anyway I found a cool looking Codfish picture that looks like a fish in a GodFather outfit.  I then found a big no sign.  Now that I ha…

Sunday, September 18, 2011

My friend is still waiting the ultrasound results on her cat - but luckily he has quit vomiting and seems a bit better.  I am more than a bit anxious - I really want to go to this conference but am really struggling with leaving my hubby.  I know I need to learn to be on my own more but I have been so stressed about finding jobs and everything - I just feel so overwhelmed.  At least today was another quiet day.  Sometimes I wonder about my son.  He came home late - just in time to finish his chores before the end  of the week.  I have barely seen him all week.  Hubby and I talked a lot (he keeps trying to keep me positive) - I sent out everything I had to get done for this week with unemployment and everything.  And had a nice family dinner.  Tomorrow I have to get ready and pack since I leave early Tuesday morning.
My daughter called me on Sunday and first played the "everything is great I am doing so well had a great week"  I asked her about her running away and she tried …

Saturday, September 17, 2011

No word on my friend's cat.  I dreamed about the cat (even though I have never met him) all night.  I hope he is going to be ok, because our friend has already had so much loss in her life recently.  Today was really a do nothing type day.  Hubby slept in.  My son was gone most of the day with friends and such.  I picked up the house a bit and just relaxed.  Hubby and I watched TV.  We had some nice alone time in the evening.  I am already having anxiety about leaving for several days.  I just hate being away from him.  But I have to remember he is just a phone call away, I will be with my friends and I will have the Teddy Bear he gave me.

This will be the longest we have been apart since I moved in.

Friday, September 16, 2011

I got up and made sure my son was out the door.  I just felt so down today.  I looked for jobs.  Sent out a few resume's.  My hubby sent me a nice email which sort of cheered me up.  I still just felt so bad - I wish I had a job offer at least and I am starting to really stress about money.  After next week I really need to focus on getting a job.

My son was supposed to go to a dance but there was no dance because there were not enough chaperones.  Instead we had a chance to sit and relax for the evening.   Despite feeling inadequate and like I am worthless in the job market - it turned out to not being so bad.

Our friend called and again her cat was sick - we are hoping that all works out - everyone just needs a break and for some positive things to happen.

Thursday, September 15, 2011

I got up and made sure my son was up and out of the house for school.  I got showered and dressed ready to go to the coupon thing.  I got there early and I called my daughter's therapist to make sure she had come home (since she had AWOLed) and she did.  We talked about how my daughter doesn't even seem to be trying and whether she actually has any empathy.  Then I went into the class and I learned a lot about how to work our neighboring stores, the coupons and ads.  I will have to see how it works.  But so far the computer program they have seems to really help a lot by figuring out the best buys and which stores and which coupons to use.

I left that and headed home.  Talked to a couple friends and played around with the website and program to see what kind of deals I could get - seems like I could cut our grocery bill in half if I really applied myself. 

My son came home from school and did homework.  He wasn't able to get a hold of friends in time so I took him to his c…

Wednesday, September 14, 2011

Arrgghhh - I really need to go to bed earlier - I am sooo tired.  I got up barely enough to stumble to my son's room and make sure he was up.  I went back to bed - my hubby got up on time and I was so dead tired but I forced myself out of bed.  He headed for work.  I stripped the bed and started the laundry.  I was so unfocused today bouncing from one thing to another.  I just don't know what was wrong with me - I felt like I had no direction.  I was able to do several loads of laundry and check several of the websites for jobs, I was able to find an upgrade phone for my son that has what he needs - and then he only had to choose which one (both are free upgrades).  I got my severance check.  Taxes suck - not as much as I hoped left - but at least it should help keep me afloat for awhile - of course the sooner I get a job the more that it can be used for the surgery and not living on.

Tomorrow I will go to an extreme couponing class to learn how to save lots of money - maybe t…

Tuesday, September 13, 2011 - My hubby's 51st Bday

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So exhausted, I got up at 7am and baked a cake.  I got my son up since he had a doctor's appointment to get his prescriptions under the new health plan.  We went to the doctor's appointment and the doctor was great and did all of his prescriptions with no problem.  I took him to school with him being silly all the way and trying to get me to take him home.  I then got home and asked my hubby what he wanted to eat as it was around 11am.  He decided Taco Bell so I went and got it. We were both so hungry it tasted so good.  It was so nice to relax with him and now that he has decided on the surgery he is in an amazing mood for it being his birthday which he hates.  He then took the parrot into the bedroom to play computer games (the parrot loves to watch the computer while he is playing games) and I decorated his birthday cake.  Which of course was a CakeWrecks style cake.


He really was amused.  My son got home and I checked his homework (hubby was sleeping) and then it was time …

Monday, September 12, 2011 - the appointment

Today started off good even though hubby and I were tired from going to bed and not sleeping well.  We were both really anxious.  I made sure my son was getting up and we headed to the airport.  We got there and parked with no problem.  In security despite my hubby being anxious - *I* was the one who they decided to do a pat down on - hubby walked right through.  To think someone was worried that my skirt could hide some scary weapon - LOL.  So we get through security buy a pathetic breakfast from Burger King and wait.  I called my son to make sure he was on the way out to school.  We boarded the plane and took off on time.  Then just as they said we could take out electronic devices - we made a turn and they asked us to return them (about 20 min into the flight) - we landed back at our original airport.  They had us sit there for over 4 hours!  Our appointment was for noon - and at 12:30 we were still at our original airport sitting on the hot airplane not going anywhere.  Finally we…

Sunday, September 11, 2011 - For us - 7 years ...

I got up with a mission.  I blocked everything out of my head - I ignored what was in the news and just went to a couple different stores.  At one Michael's I got a great sales person who called several stores until she found the store that had them.  I went there and then stopped by a Target to pick up my hubby some stuff for his contacts.  As I drove home my daughter called me.  She was struggling so much - it is a good thing and a hard thing.  she was crying, processing her emotions.  I know how much it hurts - but I am so glad she is able to finally start feeling again rather than stuffing her emotions and fear and it coming out so aggressive and pushing us away to protect herself.  I even handed my hubby the phone and he said it was real and what a difference from the last several 9/11 that she has gone through.

I know this one is going to be hard for her - but maybe finally she will start being able to heal.

I wrote this last year and updated it for this year because a lot o…

Saturday, September 10, 2011

I got up and started trying to work on my resume and follow the homework that one company gave me.  I just couldn't do it.  I was frustrated and tired and just done - I wanted to crawl into a hole and not come out.  So I went back to bed and cuddled with my hubby.  He teased and tickled me and eventually we got up to have something to eat.  We then watched several shows that made us laugh.  And caught up with the Mentalist.  It was getting late into the afternoon - evening so hubby took a shower and we went to look at an upper scale plus size shop to see if we could get me any interview clothes.  Oh I did for get to mention yesterday - one huge surprise - well you know when you find an extra 5 or so in your pocket that you forgot you had - well like 3 years ago I got some weird thing from a lawyer saying I had unclaimed funds.  I didn't believe it at first but he had some info that made it seem like he was not a fraud so I filled out some papers and then forgot - during my bre…

Friday, September 9, 2011

I got up today - my son was not getting going on time - I finally just had to drive him to school because he was running so late.  I cuddled with my hubby and then he got up and although still hurting was able to go to work.  The company that was hired by my old company as part of the severance package had a orientation meeting on the web.  I did it and then continued working through my list of group homes.  I then got a call from my personal agent with that company and we talked and he gave me homework to do over the weekend and on Monday while I am traveling. 

Amazing how fast the day went by.  My son got home from school - we got all of his stuff together and I then took him to go meet to leave for the camping trip with the Venture Crew.  After I dropped him off (we were late because of horrible traffic) I called my hubby and said since I was close to our favorite pizza place I could pick up the pizza. I did and then got home - he got home shortly after that. 

We watched a few epis…

Thursday, September 8, 2011

I got up and made sure my son was up - he got up and went to school.  I cuddled with my hubby and then he tried to get up and his back was out.  He called into work.  I worked on my computer for a bit - The guy from HR sent a letter that should work for us getting medical insurance and then I started checking the different job boards and starting to go through a page of group homes from adjoining counties.  I then left to return my son's cell phone and get my nails done. 

While I was getting my nails done I did get a call from a recruiter over an IT job.  It lifted my spirits.  I did an over the phone interview and he sounded so positive and said he wanted me to sign some papers and have them to him in less than 30 min.  I called my hubby who was wonderful - despite his drugged sleep he was able to figure out how to use my Mac (he has a PC) and get the guy's email - open the document sign my name to it - save it - and then reply to him and attach it.  I was in a pretty good mo…

Wednesday, September 7, 2011

I got up and made sure my son got up for school and headed off for school.  I went back and cuddled with my hubby and then he headed off for work.  I decided to do something for me so I called about a laser hair removal appointment that I had purchased on Groupon and so that is scheduled for Oct 6th for 1:30pm.

Then I worked on several applications and left a message for my daughter's therapist to find out if I had to pick my daughter up or not.  Our friend called and she was soo tired she was nearly falling asleep at the wheel so we chatted to keep her alert and she also calmed me down from the fear of having to do therapy with my daughter.  After I got off the phone with her - I took a shower and then the therapist called as I was heading out to the door.  She reminded me that my daughter only was like that on Sunday's phone call because she is trying to push me away.  She said she would have someone else pick up my daughter so I didn't have to since I was struggling.  I…

Tuesday, September 6, 2011

So Tuesday I got up - made sure my son was up and going to school.  Went back to bed and cuddled with my hubby until he was ready to get up.  When he got up I got started on finishing my resume and as soon as he left I cleaned the bathroom, stripped the bed, started dinner and worked on 2 applications.  I went grocery shopping, started dinner, found the list of group homes I could check out, checked craigs list for job, took out garbage, cleaned the refrigerator and worked on another application.

I got the mail and filled out all of my unemployment stuff that was in the mail.  My son came home with lots of things for me to sign and he had homework.  We got that done and then I took him to choir - but on our way I stopped at the grocery store to get my son some non-dairy ice-cream.  After I dropped him off I got school supplies. 

I found out his upgraded cell phone did not have the stuff he wanted so I set it up for a return.  My hubby talked to our friend and I then went to go pick my…

Monday, September 5, 2011

Late Sunday night, my hubby was talking to our best friend.  Her cat started throwing up really bad.  It didn't look good so just past midnight our time - 3am her time she took her cat to a 24 hour vet hospital.  They gave him an IV and she went home to get a few hour sleep.

I woke up in the AM and checked in with my friend - not good a mass in his intestines - a complete blockage  surgery scheduled for sometime on Tuesday.  She just lost her fiance a few months ago - she really does not need to lose a cat she has had for 11-12 years.  I kept her in my thoughts and prayers all day and her cat too.

My son finally got up and started doing a little house work but then said he needed to do something for scouts.  Wow - I wonder if I will ever see him sometimes.  I am trying to get myself in good mood - planning my graduation and dinner afterwards and focusing on this week's job search.  Trying not to think about my daughter's therapy session that I am dreading. 

Thoughts are ju…

Sunday, September 4, 2011

I got up and showered and dressed.  I got my son up (2x) and then we headed out.  We stopped at a pet store to pick up our Parrot a few treats.  Then we went to the shoe store so my son could get new shoes for school.  On our way out of the mall we stopped for a Jamba Juice.  Hmm small moments that are just so nice.  I really appreciated it and the enjoyable conversation and time I could have with my son.

We got home and my son watched some tv and I did some job searching.  We decided to go out to eat for lunch.  It was a good lunch and we enjoyed it.  But somehow the heat and the bright sun gave me a migraine as we walked out to the car from the restaurant.  We got home, I took some meds and took a nap.  I felt a bit better but still was struggling with a pretty bad headache.

Then I started thinking about a meal after my graduation.
After looking at several things - I found the RainForest Cafe kind of got excited - about 25 min away - called my mom (why oh why do I do that) who poo …

Saturday, September 3, 2011

I got up later than I wanted so I was in a bit of pain but not horrible.  I have been struggling with so many feelings since I lost my job - almost feels as if it has been a long time - even though it has only been a couple of days.  It has brought up so many issues that I thought had been gone or that I had conquered.  One of my issues is that I earn less than my hubby.  I had gotten ok with that - I had made more before than any of my spouses and always tended to be the breadwinner and therefore not dependent on them for anything.  This relationship with my hubby was different.  He made more than me - and progressively as time went on and he got pay increases and I did not - he made A LOT more than me.  OK I got used to that and learned to deal with being somewhat reliant on his income to cover things.  Now THIS happens and I have NO INCOME.  I actually have to completely rely on his income until I find a new job.

I should be ok with it but I am not.  It is driving me crazy, I feel …

Friday, September 2, 2011

Today I worked on some applications and scanned and emailed one that I had to manually sign.
 I have a list of things to do but I struggled for a little bit before I was able to get going again.  My moods vary so much.  I am so scared, but I know things will work out.

I read this today...

Changing requires much more than thought…it will require a spiritual and heartfelt component-It is all of you that is seeking peace.
~Juli Alvarado


It helped me a bit.  My son is spending the night at a friend's house again.  so I know I will be by myself all day... so back to work.

I called Kaiser to find out how to request medical records for our new doctors.   I contacted my daughter's previous therapists to let them know I am looking for a job in the field and I do have my BBS MFTi number now so I can really work.  I contacted a social worker that worked with my daughter and let her know I was looking for a job.  I think my first direction should be group homes.  I did some online search…

Thursday, September 1, 2011 - Starting over - AGAIN

Ok - things on this blog are going to be a bit wilder and written probably a bit weirder as I process and deal with everything I am doing.

So first thing - I SLEPT IN!!!  I might as well enjoy this while it lasts!  But I still had a ton to do and did get done today.  And so many emotional swings.

First thing that was the most important is start getting medical insurance and medications taken care of - that is the most urgent.

First I contacted my daughter's social worker to switch my daughter to have Medi Cal as her primary.  So I sent her the forms she needed - now she is taken care of.

Next I scanned marriage and birth certificates and tax returns and sent them to my hubby at work.  He had already filled out the online paper work but just needed the backup documentation.  OK all should be good on that so then I started calling and finding doctors and setting up doctor appointments so our meds don't lapse.  I ran into a brick wall for a bit trying to get an appointment within…

Wednesday, August 31, 2011 - Topsy Turvy

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I got up feeling really good despite the lack of sleep.  No pain which is a rarity and very much enjoyed.  Headed to work all the way in the dinning room.  I was answering phones and really enjoying things.

Then THE PHONE CALL CAME.  I was laid off effective immediately.
I am still all turned upside down.
I am trying to organize myself.
I have filed for unemployement.
I have called the place they contracted to help me find a job.
I contacted their benefits department to get a letter to let my dependents on my hubby's coverage.
Lots of stuff to think about and make decisions on.

That is how I felt for awhile - but now I am starting to get my bearings again.

Time to harvest all of the work of the year, toss aside what should be used as fertilizer and save and use what is good.  A time for change, a time to let go of some dreams, focus on others and dream up new ones. We are only held back from achieving our dreams by refusing to change.  What new dreams will these changes bring …

Tuesday, August 30, 2011

I got up and went to work.  It was nice and relaxing - a few calls - not too many alarms.  I woke my son up at 7am because he is supposed to go to school for his schedule but he wanted to get there around 8am to meetup with some of his friends.  At 8:15 I checked in with him - and woke him up again.  Then I went into the bedroom and gave my hubby a big hug and kiss (become a ritual for us) and started moving my stuff back into the bedroom now that he is up.  My son left and I didn't even notice him.

Work was kind of slow - nothing major.  I enjoyed talking to a couple of the field techs.  And inbetween calls I played on my personal laptop and did emails.  I got done with work and my son came home and let me know his schedule - US History, Beginning Guitar, Spanish 2, Human Anatomy, English 11 and Pre-Calculus.  He started on some chores and then went to a friend's house.  He came home and not long after that hubby came home and we all ate dinner.  Before everyone got home thou…

Monday, August 29, 2011

I didn't sleep well.  I was anxious about how the hurricane had effected work.  I really should learn to not be so nervous.  It was busy with alarms but nothing I couldn't handle.  I had a bit of clean up with duplicates because the others had been so slammed with alarms and tech calls.  All and all it was a pretty easy day.  My son got up and worked on cleaning out his desk by the end of the day he had done a great job.  Earlier I had worked on a chores chart and a check list - hopefully this year will be better than last year on the chores issue.  The benefit is that I will be home more to make sure he can do them.

Today I found out from my boss I actually will be working some holidays and we are a 24-7 shop.  I get out of Labor day because they all ready scheduled it and probably because I am not fully trained up yet.  I hope I don't have a problem with the holidays.  I do want my 40th bday off and Thanksgiving and Christmas - but we will see what happens.  If I could g…

Sunday, August 28, 2011

I got up and woke up my son.  I took a shower and went and checked on my son and he still wasn't up.
I wasn't feeling good so I made him carry everything out to the minivan.  We went to GoodWill Express and donated everything - only took a few minutes.  Then we headed off to walmart.  No luck in finding a bookshelf that we liked there.  We went to Target and found a book case there.  Came home.  Hubby said he needed more time to sleep so my son and I had a little to eat.  I went into our bedroom and played around on my computer checking on our friend and the Hurricane.  All was going well but the Hurricane ended up hitting hard and flooding where her old house is. 

My hubby got up and after a bit we went to The Old Spaghetti Factory and we enjoyed it.  I had a drink which knocked me on my keester.  I came home and vegged and went in and out of sleep.  I woke up with a headache but all of the other pains were diminished a lot.

We really all just had snacks.  We laughed and hung…