Sunday, September 4, 2011

I got up and showered and dressed.  I got my son up (2x) and then we headed out.  We stopped at a pet store to pick up our Parrot a few treats.  Then we went to the shoe store so my son could get new shoes for school.  On our way out of the mall we stopped for a Jamba Juice.  Hmm small moments that are just so nice.  I really appreciated it and the enjoyable conversation and time I could have with my son.

We got home and my son watched some tv and I did some job searching.  We decided to go out to eat for lunch.  It was a good lunch and we enjoyed it.  But somehow the heat and the bright sun gave me a migraine as we walked out to the car from the restaurant.  We got home, I took some meds and took a nap.  I felt a bit better but still was struggling with a pretty bad headache.

Then I started thinking about a meal after my graduation.
After looking at several things - I found the RainForest Cafe kind of got excited - about 25 min away - called my mom (why oh why do I do that) who poo pooed it - complained about parking and what a hassle - I told her to look for something then.  At least mentioning it to my son and he got excited.  Unless they come up with something good - forget it we will  have a nice evening at one of my favorite places - phhtthhb.

I am glad I did move 2+ hours away - my mom's negativity really  had a bad effect on me all of those years.  I still remember excitedly telling her my hubby asked me to marry him and her telling me not to tell anyone cuz I would mess it up.

Ahh well - My hubby is wonderful and he never lets me feel bad about stuff like that - reminds me that that is their problem.

So I get over that hurdle and my daughter calls.
We talked for about 8 min.
She talked about writing letters to her dad.
How much she misses her dad (did not mention missing us at all)
How much Sept 11th bothers her.
How she is writing letters to her dad because she wants a better relationship with him
Talked about wanting to see him and when can I take her to see him.
She did ask what we did today but then went back on the topic of her dad.
She did ask my hubby was doing since his bday is coming up.
She asked about my son and his school.
No mention at all about my loss of job or anything
No asking about me at ALL.  It was more like I was a receptionist who could
tell her about everyone else but I was not someone she cared about.

No apology - no wanting to be closer to me - no talk of sending letters to me.

I think she is focusing on her dad because it is easier - she knows she will
never live with him or have to have much of a relationship with him so
there is not a lot to have to deal with like expectations.

I of course want her to work on her relationship with her dad but
if she wants ME to do things for HER she needs to actually put in effort
into OUR relationship.

This whole thing made me feel so angry and even more emotionally drained.  I just don't know what I will do with her and I am so not looking forward to our therapy session on Wed.  I love her but I am just so tired of her bulls&*!t

Hopefully tomorrow I can enjoy spending some time with my son and be in a better mood.


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