Saturday, September 3, 2011

I got up later than I wanted so I was in a bit of pain but not horrible.  I have been struggling with so many feelings since I lost my job - almost feels as if it has been a long time - even though it has only been a couple of days.  It has brought up so many issues that I thought had been gone or that I had conquered.  One of my issues is that I earn less than my hubby.  I had gotten ok with that - I had made more before than any of my spouses and always tended to be the breadwinner and therefore not dependent on them for anything.  This relationship with my hubby was different.  He made more than me - and progressively as time went on and he got pay increases and I did not - he made A LOT more than me.  OK I got used to that and learned to deal with being somewhat reliant on his income to cover things.  Now THIS happens and I have NO INCOME.  I actually have to completely rely on his income until I find a new job.

I should be ok with it but I am not.  It is driving me crazy, I feel sooo much like a mooch and am so scared that I cannot take care of myself.  I know logically that everything will be fine, I will find a job - but boy these feelings sure came up fast.
I took a bit of time to read and relax.

My hubby finally got up.  After we ate, I asked if he wanted to spend grownup time together and he said sure.  But by the time we both got ready my son was expected home -- ha HA - a quick text message to my son and he was going to hang out with a friend a bit longer.

My son came home and we all relaxed a bit.  My intention was for me and my son to spend some time together on Sunday shopping and hanging out.  He starts school on Tuesday so we have  few things to do.  I told him I would get him up early.

I am starting to feel a bit better - but I feel like I am on such an emotional roller-coaster.  I just want to have a job again.

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