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Showing posts from 2012

My Quest for Peace - Start

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I am reading The Quest for Peace in a Broken World by Juli Alvarado. Because I love the book and do not want to do any copy write problems I am only going to post what I did or how I understood each day of this 100 day journey.  I highly recommend purchasing this book if you want to find peace within. As I started this book I found that my thoughts resonated with Juli and brought back many of the things I learned and worked on during my Simply Healing Retreat.   I can tell this is going to be quite a journey and will be tough but I really hope that it will help me find internal peace. I want my legacy to be that I was caring and thoughtful and worked to help heal the world one person at a time.

Full Wolf Moon\ Full Moon after Yule

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Well it is the Full Wolf Moon also known as Full Moon after Yule and Ice Moon and basically any kind of moon that has to do with seriously cold weather. So what does Full Wolf Moon mean - well it is said that in this time of winter the wolves would howl in hunger.  But if we look deeper, we know that wolves are pack animals.  They require a connection to their pack to hunt, rear their family and to live.  What do we do in cold weather?  We connect with family, visit, celebrate and keep our home fires burning to share food and keep warm, much like the wolves do. So I am focusing on family and being connected even in this cold weather where all you want to do is cozy up in bed and read a book.  I am making phone calls, volunteering and making sure that my "pack" (family and community) is part of me and I am part of it.

Winter Solstice, Yule

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Today is Winter Solstice otherwise known as Yule.  My hubby, son and I celebrate it as our main winter holiday.  We still have Christmas stockings on Christmas morning but today is when we each give each other thoughtful or handmade presents. I enjoy Yule because it lets us get away from the hectic Christmas season.  We plan ahead because we know there is not last minute Christmas Eve shopping for us (although truth be told I know my son will be going to the mall tomorrow for a "haircut" which is code for finishing what he needs for Yule. It is a time of introspection and celebration of family and togetherness.  For us it is in the evening.  I spent yesterday making a family stew recipe that I thought was a perfect fit for our dinner.  It uses nearly everything in one's pantry and refrigerator, kind of like my ancestors might have done in the winter.  I can imagine they would make stews with little bits of meat and lots of vegetables and items from the harvest and t

Full Oak Moon

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Full Oak Moon is the full moon before Yule.  The oak is a symbol of strength and eternity. When the winter is in full reign over the Earth, it is important to remember the oak’s endurance. To survive the trials of winter, people must find within themselves the oak’s great strength. I find this year I am finding my inner strength to move through harder times using that strength. I find it very fitting that today is stormy and cold and the wind is blowing the remaining leaves from the trees.  Even though this year the Oak Moon is early, somehow the weather seems quite fitting and today I feel deep in winter. It is important at this time of year that roots are pushed deep into the Earth so you can survive through the storms - no wonder it is a time of family gatherings and sharing of resources (Thanksgiving, Holiday events and such) - we need our families and they help us find our inner strength when the world around us seems brutally cold.

Simply Healing Retreat

This last weekend I attended a Simply Healing Retreat for women that was put on by Coaching for Life.    I have created this video to express what it was like for me. The music is by David and Steve Gordon from their album Sacred Spirit Drums - this one is called Path with a Heart.

Samhain, Halloween, our 4th wedding anniversary

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This year has been such a challenging year.  This year I had only three of seeds of intention that I planted.  1.  To continue to support my daughter in every way I could to help her healing.  2.  To support my husband during his lower surgeries.  3.  To continue towards becoming a therapist working with families struggling with RAD. One thing that I have learned to trust although it is still really hard is that when you put an intention out there and focus on it, you have to understand that it may not come to fruition the way you planned or thought it would.  When I decided on my intentions last year and imagined what my life would be like now, I never imagined it would be this way.  I imagined that my daughter would probably have been given another 6 months to a year at the group home she was this time last year and she would be an hour away and making progress to coming home.  I imagined my hubby would be finished with his surgeries and be feeling pretty good about having d

Beaver Moon, Frost Moon

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Beaver Moon, sometimes called Frost Moon is usually the full moon in November but this year it is at the end of October as it is the 2nd full moon after the fall equinox. From Wikipedia: Two reasons are given for the coupling of the November moon with the flat-tailed aquatic animal: (a) November is a month when many hunters used to set leghold traps for beaver, [1] and (b) November is a month when many beaver families are especially active in rebuilding their beaver lodges and dams . [2] Much of the mammals' building and repair work takes place by moonlight, because the beaver is primarily nocturnal . Both explanations implicate November's position as the last full month before the coming of winter , as beaver (which do not hibernate ) need to have ready access to food during the cold months, and need to grow an especially lush pelt of fur so as to be prepared. By the traditional valuation standards of the fur trade , a late-fall beaver pelt was worth more than a pe

Attachment and Cultural Competence: Perspectives on Healing Family Systems

The handouts for this workshop are located here. This was an interesting workshop.  They had many different people from many different backgrounds speak and discussed what culture meant to them.  Birth culture of adoptive children were discussed and how hard sometimes it is for adopted children to feel like a part of a family.  Part of healing has to do with accepting the differences and helping the child find their own part in their own world, even if it is a different culture as your own.  Being able to create a family culture is very helpful too. What I found helpful is even when someone looked like they would be the same as other people with similar backgrounds explaining even the differences in the culture of the age and also acculturation can make big differences in how a person is even perceived within their own culture.

Building Attachment Across States: Healing the Spectrum of Dissociative Symptoms in Children and Adolescents

Joyanna Silberg's  Powerpoint Presentation can be found here. I have to say ATTACh did a great job of finding speakers who catch your attention and keep it.  With humor and references to previous speakers it makes it seem like they are all a great big family wanting to help you with each of their specialties. Joyanna Silberg kept me interested even though I was already suffering from jet lag as I am a west coast girl getting up early on the east coast. I highly urge you to look through the Powerpoint Presentation linked above but here are my notes and important thoughts I took away from her presentation. Disassociation is defined as disruption in the usual integrated functions of consciousness, memory, identity or perception - but really it is too adult centric. When your inner life is a place you have to stay out of, having an identity is impossible.  Remembering not to remember such as "I try to forget to remember." or "It hurts to remember." or &quo

Hunter's Full Moon (belated post September 29, 2012)

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I had such a wonderful time at the conference and with my good friend on the East Coast and then came home to a backlog of stuff to do I got behind on my blog. So in catching up I wanted to write about the Hunter's Full Moon that was here on September 29, 2012.  This is the first full moon after Mabon (Autumn Equinox).  Some would call it the Harvest Moon as it is the closest Full Moon to the Autumn Equinox but this year since the Full Moons are shifted towards the earlier part of the season the Hunter's Full Moon is actually closest although just past Mabon. The Hunter's Full Moon is named because the full moon give light to hunters tracking their prey before the cold winter settles in.  They are able to stock up on the protein they will need to make it through the winter. I myself am doing that in a manner of speaking.  I went to the conference to "stock up" on more learning material and to socialize before the cold settles in and we look inward and do

Mabon - Second Harvest - link added at the end

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Day and Night have become equal for a moment.  It is the time of the 2nd harvest. For me this year, the harvest has been bitter sweet.  My seeds I am harvesting and preparing for the feast are 1.  To continue to support my daughter in every way I could to help her healing.  2.  To support my husband during his lower surgeries.  3.  To continue towards becoming a therapist working with families struggling with RAD. 1.  My daughter is now out of state in a special placement that will hopefully allow her to heal.  When I planted those seeds of intent, my daughter was an hour a way and doing well and making progress in the placement she was at.  She was able to come home and visit.  I still had full custody of her.  But the progress was limited and so was her healing and eventually my daughter showed us she needed something more intense to help her heal.  I had no idea that the Goddess's path would lead me through court, through several placements, heart ache and desperation be

The Complexity of Adoption in Trauma: Understanding the Impact of Trauma Through a Developmental Lens

Bessel van Der Kolk, MD is an amazing speaker.  Holding my attention for 7 hours is nearly impossible but he did.  I have learned a lot. His Powerpoint Slide Handouts are located here. Understanding Interpersonal Trauma in Children: Why We Need a Developmentally Appropriate Trauma Diagnosis is located here. Understanding Interpersonal Trauma in Children: What We've Learned Since the DSM-IV, and Why a Developmentally-Appropriate Trauma Diagnosis is Needed in Future DSMs is located here. Clinical Implications of Neuroscience Research in PTSD is located here. A paper on Developmental Trauma Disorder is located here. A Psychotherapy Network Article is located here. A Complexity of Adaption in Trauma handout is located here. I have taken notes and I will be putting them down here along with anything it brought up in me personally or based on my personal or limited professional experience. When doing assessment tests which involved having a picture of a family shown working

2012 ATTACh Conference Blog Series

I have not figured out exactly how I am going to write about the ATTACh Conference yet.  It is quite overwhelming.  I think I will have this as the kind of index page and add links to this page.  I am also going to work on not using Reactive Attachment Disorder or RAD and instead work on switching to Developmental Trauma Disorder or DTD in order to help define and get a proper diagnosis for those who suffer from it. The 2012 ATTACh Conference is in Baltimore, MD from Wednesday, September 19, 2012 through Saturday, September 22, 2012.  I love going to the conference both as a parent and as a therapist. As a parent I love it because the "professionals" treat the parents with respect.  They know that the parents are in the trenches and they want to know how to help us and do research and treatments based on what can help us - which is not the model for most medical conferences where a bunch of patients praise researchers for trying to find the answers to their conditions and

Congratulations it's a .......!

"Congratulations, it's a girl!" announced a nurse 52 years ago today.  When the nurse asked the 15 year old girl what the name would be - she stumbled over her words and said she thought the baby was a boy and hadn't picked out a name.  She finally created a name based on someone the nurse knew and the doctor's name.  As that "baby girl" started to grow into a "little girl" she insisted she was a boy.  She ripped off her girl clothes and pretended to be her grandfather shaving.  She never felt comfortable in her body and as puberty started she became even more frustrated, depressed and upset that she didn't turn into a boy.  She grew up like a lot of kids - going to school and trying to fit in.  Home life sucked as often does when a teen mom tries to raise a child on her own.  At one point the girl, now a young lady comes out and says she is a lesbian.  She tried to fit in that way but still she was often taken to be a male just by look

Today is THAT Day...

Yup THAT Day that every year I dread so much.  THAT day that the media talks about for at least a month in advance.  THAT day for not only what happened to us as a nation 11 years ago but THAT day for what happened to my family 8 years ago.  Today is THAT Day. I wrote this two years ago and updated last year and again for this year because a lot of it feels so much the same: "Time heals all wounds"  I am beginning to doubt that.  Maybe in decades or centuries but why are my feeling so raw.... So for the 2 to 3 months - I braced for it - thought about what the kids would need to do and how I could help them and here I am alone in my office - my son trying to handle school and my daughter in her out of state placement.  I just got off the phone with her therapist - she superficially cut herself - they therapist and I agree it was attention seeking behavior.  She has already shown her negative behaviors there and she has only been there since Thursday evening.  Maybe this

Guest Post: How to Train You Human

This is a guest post from our Parrot: A couple years ago we moved into this great house with single pane windows - Now I can chatter all day with my friends outside. I am constantly asked how I train my humans so well.  So as I sat in the long-nailed human's office watching her blog, I told her I wanted a guest spot - so she agreed (one you train them you can get them to do anything!) How to Train Your Human 1.  Get the human's attention:  Humans are not very observant, just being cute or doing a trick will not work until you get them to look at you.  I find that a loud call often will get their attention.  If they still do not look your way often pretending to be freaked out will really draw their attention. 2.   Remind and Repeat:   Sadly despite the size of a human's head they have small brains and even smaller memories.  One of our jobs is to remind these humans of the very basic things.  You will have to constantly repeat these things to the humans because

Learning to Accept, Enjoy and Love the Child We Have

This post comes from many different sources.  Just over 11 years ago I was working with a great therapist to help my daughter.  I had a love hate relationship with this therapist.  This is when I first learned that REAL therapy - the kind that you work on yourself and your deep problems - is uncomfortable, hard and sometimes even painful.  If you can journey through that with a mind at least partially open you will like the end result. My daughter came to us December of 2000.  She is a wild child and nothing like I had ever seen or experienced before.  Her therapist she was seeing at the time, just didn't seem to understand how serious the problems were because when we went into therapy with her, my daughter was sweet and caring and said and did all the right things.  The therapist must of thought we were crazy as we discussed the behaviors we saw at home and our daughter we look innocently up at us and say we were either lying or that she was so sorry it was a mistake and our da

Blue Moon tonight - or is it?

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When I was little my grandparents often had a Farmer's Almanac around.  There were all kinds of interesting things in it.  One summer as I was reading the almanac I found something about a Blue Moon .  I asked my grandfather and he looked at the book and gave a long description of a different kind of calendar and 4 moons in the season and the third moon being a Blue Moon so all of the other full moons had the right names.  It had something to do with why Easter always moved around but it seemed too complex to understand it, I just figured it must be some ancient mystery.  As I grew older I was told by teachers and others that liked trivia that the Blue Moon was those rare occasions when there were two full moons in a month.  I wondered why I had remembered it as something complex having to do with naming of moons, Easter and equinoxes and such. Well while researching recently - I finally found out why I thought it was so complex, because there are a couple of versions of w

Dealing with Disappointment

If you were to ask me why I haven't posted much recently, my first reaction would be to say that I have been really busy.  The truth though is I haven't wanted to actually acknowledge my own disappointments and frustrations because if I don't acknowledge them - then Hey!  They must not exist! I wish that were true.  I keep telling myself that there must be a reason for these things but it is still hard to deal with at the moment. Disappointment on the job front.  I have been struggling to get an intern therapist job.  A few weeks ago, I went on an interview and was excited that the therapist (whom I look up to in the field I want to work in) said she would bring me on.  I left her house with her saying "I will work on the paperwork."  She told me to come to a meeting the next week so I figured I would talk to her and fill out paperwork then.  A week later I went to the meeting and she was busy and had children around her.  The next day I sent an email asking w

Learning How to Fall

I was reading one of my favorite blogs, Permission to Live , and she had a post on Learning to Fall .  It seemed an interesting book so I got it (my first book on my new Kindle).  I got the book a few weeks ago.  It is a slow read for me simply because it is so deep.  It is written by a man who has Lou Gehrig's disease and his journey through trying to accept life as it is including his death.  Since he was a literature professor he uses many references as he tries to figure out the meaning of life and death. This was a hard read for me because I have Parkinson's Disease, Young Onset.  I am now 40 and actually doing better than everyone thought I would.  Those who do not have a degenerative and fatal or potentially fatal disease may find that this book spends a lot of time questioning, looking within, and almost obsessively trying to figure out life but not really living it.  The thing is so much of the time we are sidelined by our diseases and there is nothing but our minds

The ABCs of Keeping Romance Alive

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The world keeps us busy.  We have our daily drama and then we have those traumatic moments.  If we have a partner we just may take them for granted.  We expect them to be there for us and we may find ourselves missing that spark or passion.  You may feel in a rut or question if there are still feelings other than comfortable sameness.  I had this happen in other relationships and sometimes it starts in my current marriage - but I won't let it get far because to me it is too important.   I was on the phone to a friend the other day and she was wondering if the fire went out.  Through our conversation I took some notes as I explained things that helped me stoke our fire when it started dwindling.  And I have to say we have had huge dramas and traumas in our nearly 6 year relationship.  Many of these things would have been enough to smother the fire completely but both of us work at keeping it going.  This is not hard work, just little daily things - so let me go over the ABCs of