Showing posts from July, 2011

Sunday, July 31, 2011

I got up and worked on computer stuff.  I caught up with my mom and then talked with my son.  I tried to start working on my daughter's letter and then worked with my son on getting all of his things down on the calendar.  I popped in to check on my hubby and then my son came in too and we picked out a new sleeping bag for him and most of the rest of his camping gear.  He should get most of it within the next week.  He does want to get gloves, a pocket knife and river\water shoes.  Hopefully he does not grow a lot so he will be able to keep using this stuff for at least a few years.

Then we all got showered and headed to Borders since it was closing - we got some books and dvds.  Then off to Beck's furniture store where we were able to find 6 chairs for the dining room.  I will pick them up tomorrow with my son.  Then to The Old Spaghetti Factory for dinner which was really nice.

We came back home and I started working on updating all of my calendars and getting a print out to…

Saturday, July 30, 2011

I got up early and caught up on some emails and such.  Then I went back to bed when my hubby saw me going back into the room and started talking and joking with me to get me in a good mood.  I had my son write a list of more camping stuff he needed and ordered most of it through Amazon so that I would not have to be going from store to store.  A few more things for his next camping trip but he was so lucky that someone gave him an old backpack. 

He then went over to a friend's house and my hubby and I went to Ikea to check out some dining room chairs (the guys earlier moved the dining table into the dining\kitchen area) we decided the chairs we thought would work - won't so we will start looking at some other places maybe tomorrow.

We got home and my son was already home.  My hubby and I did some things on the computer and then we decided to do Family Pizza Movie Night.  We watched She's out of my League and that was really funny.  Made me laugh (actually all of us laugh) …

Friday, July 29, 2011

I got up early - checked my email AND checked to make sure my paycheck came in - it did.
I started stressing about the therapy session but just before I left at least something fun happened - I got my iphone for work.  I started it's registration and upgrade and headed out to see my daughter.

I called my mother on my way just to distract my stress.  I got to the therapist and my daughter refused to even acknowledge me.  Anyway I sat and talked with the therapist and cried a bit.  I showed her the letter my daughter's dad sent and we agreed it would be hard for her but she really needs to read it.

The therapist did say she was going to send a letter to the social worker letting her know that while my daughter is making progress there is no way my daughter is going to be healthy enough to return home next July - thereby setting the ground work NOW for the extension.  The therapist also thinks I am a good parent so that makes me feel ok.

Finally my daughter came in we let her re…

Thursday, July 28, 2011

Another day - I really didn't do anything today - I got up with my hubby - read and watched tv.  I have fallen into a bit of depression.  I am anxious to know when my new job will start - anxious to know if I can do the training without having to travel to TX - anxious that I might not be able to mentally and emotionally be able to handle working from home without seeing other people during the day.  I am frustrated that we seem to be going backwards with my daughter and just tired of this roller-coaster of a life with my daughter.

Hubby came home and held me a long time.  He knew I was struggling - the pain is great - I am depressed and anxious and he did what he could to cheer me up.  I am really nervous and my stomach is knotted about the therapy tomorrow.  How am I going to tell her how much I love her and tell her she can do it and she did better this time - when I am so flippin' mad at her.  Argghh - parenting her is so hard.  My son should be back on Saturday evening - …

Wednesday, July 27, 2011

I got up a bit early - checked on the table - it looks pretty good - and then went back to bed.  I was groggy when hubby got up - and he was insistent that I was not to do anything today but the conference call.  So I relaxed, read a bit - watched tv and answered emails.  It was a quiet dad.  I did cry a bit - I am just so frustrated with my daughter - it kills me that she sabotages herself and her life so much.

When hubby got home we ate dinner and relaxed.  We watched some tv together and laughed - he let me talk about some things that had bothered me about my daughter and the fact that I would have to go to therapy on Friday with her.  I had told her dad about everything that happened.  It is so tough letting yourself hope for the best to keep your heart open and at the same time expect she might not be able to handle things.

So tough - so sad - if only the things that happened to my daughter didn't.

Tuesday, July 26, 2011

I got up and quickly put another layer of polyurethane on my dining table.  I then checked in with my soon to be boss and went to bed for a bit longer.  I got up when my hubby got up and left not long after he left.  I cleaned both bathrooms since I figured my nails were already shot so I might as well do that before I get my nails done.  I went to Comcast to return the cable box - then I stopped to get my hair cut (it has been over a year since my hair was cut last) and then off to the nail salon to get my nails done (replacing the 2 nails that came off) my feet and toenails done and my eyebrows waxed.  I came home and relaxed for a little bit and then put on my third and hopefully final coat of polyurethane on the dining room table.  I did some other chores around the house and basically got nearly everything on my list done.

The whole house is now fully clean - the cleanest it has ever been since we moved in - actually the cleanest any house has been since I moved in with my hubby …

Monday, July 25, 2011

I got up early and checked in with my soon to be boss - I tried to track down the iphone that was ordered for me.  I then started cleaning up the house.  I then headed off to best buy to get a Tivo since my new service cannot work with the DVR that I do have.  I got it and then stopped past the cable office and picked up a card for it.  I got home and set it up.

I was going to get my hair cut and my nails done but then I decided that the best choice would be to finish up my dining room table so I sanded it - stained it and put the first coat of polyurethane on it.
After that I cleaned up a majority of the house - and finished my resume to send in to work.

I got an email from the surgeon my hubby will see in September and they will provide transportation which is cool.  My hubby had a long and hard day at work and offered to get our favorite enchiladas - we had that for dinner which was really nice.

Then we kicked back and played with our new Tivo while watching Hell's Kitchen and …

Sunday, july 24, 2011

So I got up early - my son dawdled and would have been running really late but they changed the meeting place and the location to later and closer.  We got there before anyone else.  I said goodbye and went home.  It is a pretty big step for my son.  This is the first hiking trip and first camping trip that is really camping - and his first time camping with just friends and not family.  I hope he does ok - he is growing up so fast - it is so strange to have him doing so much on his own.  It is good for him and I am proud of him but it has been a rapid change from a child who cries at night and needs to be held and in just over a year him looking forward to spending a week on a hiking camping trip.

I went to bed and slept another couple hours and then got up and did a few more things around the house.  Got my hubby up and asked him if he wanted to eat - he made Mac and Cheese and we enjoyed that.  We chatted and played computer stuff for awhile - he hadn't slept well so he went ba…

Saturday, July 23, 2011

My son needed a few more things for camping.  So we left early and headed to REI - we got what we were looking for - a Sierra cup.  No flannel shirt though.  Then we went to WorkWorld - again no flannel shirt.  Then we stopped at PetSmart because our bird needed some treats - and then off to Walmart - got a couple of things but still no flannel shirt. 

We came home - I told my hubby where we had gone.  We watched Donnie Darko - and discussed it.  Then my hubby and son went off to another sporting goods place and they were able to get flannel shirts.  They came back and we agreed on Throw Mama from the Train for a silly movie before bed. 

We sat and talked and finally we all went to bed - I am taking my son early tomorrow AM to the meeting place for the Scouts.

Friday, July 22, 2011

I got up and immediately started cleaning and organizing the bedroom - I got everything set so that the furniture could be moved and such when the cable guy comes over.  He got here just after 10:30 - he asked how many tvs I had and I told him 1 - he said we were losing signal like crazy and it looked like we had 3 more tvs than we had.  He was able to find several more hidden Ts and agreed to remove ALL cable in the house - walls - ceiling and so forth - finally someone who is helpful.

Even though my son's appointment was at 1:30 - the cable guy got done at 1:45pm and then we got to the appointment by 2pm.  The appointment went well - no psych meds at this time - then we went to Sports Authority and Big 5 to get camping and hiking gear - we got most of everything still a bit more to go.

I came home and tried to clean up the house before I crashed.  My hubby brought home pizza and we watched Nowhere boy which was really good.  My hubby took a call from his friend who was obviousl…

Thursday, July 21, 2011

Today my son asked to sleep in so I said sure.  I did more construction and got the last of the sanding done on the dining room table (well rough sanding anyway) - Internet went out AGAIN.  I called the cable company - again they give me the run around - I said I will pay for the service guy to come out to see what he sees with his equipment - so between 10-noon tomorrow someone will come out and help me track down what else is causing the problem.  The rest of the closet is done - the walls are back up - everything seems to be going well but I am wiped out for the day.  I know I should finish cleaning up the bedroom since that is where the cable internet comes in but I just cannot do it.

I ended up in tears - a txt came in from m son's psych to remind me about an appointment - my son got pissed off that I needed to take him shopping and to the psych because he wanted to be with friends.  He is leaving on Sunday for a 50 mile 7 day hike and he still needs so much stuff - financial…

Wednesday, July 20, 2011

My son is coming home around noon today.  I make a quick trip early out to Home Depot - I got some construction things and some more sanding stuff.  I sanded a bit more and then back to working on the closet and pulling and replacing more cable.

I left and went to pick up my son - he asked me to drop him off at Rite Aide to hang with his friends so I did - wow a whole 15 minutes with my son!  I waiting on hold for a bit and then the conference call - no real luck yet - now they have found the laptops but still no ETA.  Plans for another meeting on Monday.

Did some more work - hubby and I chatted and discussed changes and ideas and then I picked up my son.  We had dinner and then I went to bed -blah I hate the fact I get so tired physically.  I used to do so much more than this in a day and still have energy.  My body has soo many tremors - I am so frustrated - I wish I had more ability - I wish I had help but my hubby is not really a construction type person - frustration and pain mad…

Tuesday, July 19, 2011

I got up and started working on the dinner table - but I ran out of sand paper with more to go.  I have too much to do today so i decide tomorrow will be the day I go and get more sanding supplies.

The first changes to the house start to happen.  I keep trying the internet - pretty good - a few hang ups - I remove a bit more cable that wasn't being used - maybe a bit better now.  A change in how the closet is setup - started building the new closet in the garage.

I was in so much pain by noon I really couldn't do anything else.  My back and body hurt and my hands were shaking.  I didn't get the things done I thought I would but I did manage a small shopping trip.

We had spaghetti and I just basically went to bed - I wish my body worked better than it does.

Monday, July 18, 2011

I got to sleep in a bit since I still do not have a place to go to work or a laptop.  I checked my email and responded to by soon to be boss? (not sure) then continued to work on sanding the dining room table.  My body was aching and I was nervous and frustrated.  I had a conference call that made it obvious I would not be able to work from an office so after the phone call I started making calls since my internet was not working correctly (constantly up and down).  I was going to replace the modem - I doubted very much it was the modem but I started with that.

The cable company had been horribly rude and resistant to help me.  It took over 2 hours for me to get the approval for the modem replacement and then I went to the cable company office to pick it up and the refused to let me get it AFTER they took my old modem because it was in my hubby's name.  The agent was rude - I insisted on the floor manager and she was rude and insistent that she could not release the replacement  -…

Sunday, July 17, 2011

I got up and wrote a letter to my daughter - I had to re-write it several times because it was hard to write about.  I then got back into bed and cuddled with my hubby.  I woke up and we ate lunch.  We talked for awhile and he got tired so he went back to bed.  I watched some tv - caught up on some computer stuff and then eventually my hubby got back up.

We had our favorite comfort food - mac and cheese for dinner and talked for awhile and then watched a couple of tv shows - America's got Talent and the marriage ref  - they were funny and then back to our room for some more talking and looking at videos.

We ended up having a wonderful adult time and then to sleep.  Tomorrow will start my new day at my work although I still don't know what I will be doing or where I will be going - my hope is I can get some sanding done on my diningroom table so I can finish it - maybe this week.

Saturday, July 16, 2011

I got up just after 6am and headed out to Walmart to get a card - some stickers - a gift bag and some new white shirts for me since I liked the look of the white shirt and tie with my new white hat!

I got what I wanted and then headed back home - got gas and when I walked in started waking everyone up.  My hubby had come to bed really late but he said he would drive.  We were out of the house and on the road on time.  When we had about an hour left - hubby asked me to drive - I started driving and then asked where we were - LOL - he told me and I got us there exactly on time - I mean to the minute!

The party was cute but I had some emotional issues - I stuffed them the best that I could and dealt with them on the way home with my hubby.  It was a blast to watch the kids and my son played the piano an hi guitar at different times and even sang - huge progress!  Around 9pm it was time for us to leave before I really lost it physically and emotionally.

On the way home after small talk an…

Friday, July 15, 2011

On my way to work - I stopped and got donuts - the last time I probably will be able to give something to my friends at work.

Work was bitter sweet - I answered the phones just cuz - and then it was our lunch out.  It was sad with lots of long faces and tears being held back.  I really liked working there - the only place I have ever really liked working.  Then I came back and finished up.  Turned in my badge and my co-worker walked me out.  And then I left with a heavy heart - just over 4 years - lots of friends and co-workers that I enjoyed - lots of laughs and now I drive away for the last time.

I came home and flopped into bed  - emotionally and physically spent.  I have no idea what lies ahead except to know it is pizza and movie tonight and tomorrow my niece's bday party.

So we had pizza and watched Megamind which was way better than we thought it would be and it definitely gave us some well needed laughs.  The week is ending better than it started - I do have a job - but it…

Thursday, July 14, 2011

Ohh the excitement is brewing!!!  I went to say good bye to my son and he smiled and reminded me to come right home and get some sleep so we can see Harry Potter.

Work was good - I wore my new hat and everyone was making jokes - it was fun - I am so trying to lighten it up - this change is scary and I hope it will end up being positive.  I was also kind of excited - this is the final Harry Potter and I am thrilled to have seen everyone on opening day!

Work was easy - less calls - less to do - just handing off and making sure I tell everyone how I do things.  Then I left and went home.  I tried to sleep but then I woke up - I tried the idea I had for VPN and it worked - so then back to restless sleep again.  Dinner and then we were off!

The line was moving and we got great seats - and it was 10:40pm!  My son went and got us a giant soda to share - we were decked out in Harry Potter costumes like a lot of people.  The movie was excellent - the best one I think of all.

And then what ever…

Wednesday, July 13, 2011

Still groggy and tired - I went to work - before I left I checked on my son - he is still breathing hard but sounding much better and his color is brightening up - he doesn't look grey anymore.  I got to work and it was a bit calmer but still busy.  I was by myself part of the time and then we had a meeting.  They said we would be having one-on-ones and let us know everything - when I finally got my one-on-one it was lame - they asked questions regarding resources they should have asked about a long time ago - they are not really together and it looks like I will have limited work next week - they do not know how the hourly employee's pay goes so we shall see.  I just want to start on my new stuff and let this go - but one manager put my name in to be a kind of manger to my co-workers - which I rally do not want to happen - I just want to move on.

I went home and tried out my vpn connection from my mac to the connection I will need for my timecard and such.  It worked - tomorr…

Tuesday, July 12, 2011

So groggy and tired.  I got to work and got to chat with a co-worker  - it was nice because I was just so overwhelmed by the day.

Then the day started - crazy busy again - and I was alone most of the day.  At least today was the exact opposite of yesterday - instead of getting constant calls my son was getting worse  - I was getting constant calls that he was getting better.  I knew that he would most likely come home as I worked which felt good.  Work is so strange as I will soon be leaving and yet I have no real idea of what will happen in the future - I did get some more documentation but still lack resources to do my new job.

We shall see what happens.
I got off of work and my son was released later that evening.  We visited his friend's dad on our way home to meet with the scout master on the next steps for my son to work on his ranks - I am impressed as badly as he feels this must be important to him because he insisted on it.

We relaxed and all went to bed needing a good ni…

Monday, July 11, 2011

Woke up to my son hacking and coughing - he has been having worse and worse asthma - it worries me that they took him off a medication that was working and every time I discuss it they say it takes time for the new med and just to hang with it for 30 days.  He is now getting rapidly worse.  We gave him more treatments and ended up in ER.  They brought his O2 up and he went home and I went to work.

It was crazy busy at work, one of my co-workers was in a pretty bad mood.  I was by myself most of the day and getting more and more scared since my hubby called and said my son was non-responsive.  Back into the ER.  He had two small cardiac arrests due to lack of O2 - and I was stuck at work.  They did an x-ray and found tumor or nodules and decided to do an emergency surgery to reduce the fluids in his lungs and to get biopsies. 

I left straight from work and it was a very short surgery.  Only 2 hours later they came out and said no cancer and they knew what the problem was - he is allerg…

Sunday, July 10, 2011

I woke up early and kept thinking of all of the things I needed to do.  Finally I got up and wrote them down so I could create a list.  I got through most of the paperwork and bills I needed to pay.  I then took my son out shopping for some new bathroom stuff since he had recently picked out a new shower curtain and it arrived on Saturday.

Then I went to get my nails done - my son did some of his chores and re-decorated his bathroom while I was gone.  The bathroom looks good.  I woke my hubby up when I got home from getting my nails done.  We went out to lunch and then to see the Sacramento Underground.  We also went hat shopping and I even picked up a gag gift for someone at work.  I so enjoyed the trip out.  It killed my body - but it was worth it.  When I got home and ate - I took a bunch of pills I hope will prevent a total collapse of my body so I can remember this as a fun thing and not a painful thing.

My hubby and son had been so awesome during our walking around for a few hou…

Saturday, July 9, 2011

My son was going to a camp for Boy Scouts at 7:30am.  At 7:20am - I woke up and realized I did not hear him moving around so I got him up.  I got to talk to the dad that is taking him - my son got up and ready in record time - he was showered and out the door in about 8 minutes.  I did some basic stuff on my computer and then thought I would rest for a bit with my hubby.  I woke up late 11am - too late to really get my nails done without a long wait.

So we sat, relaxed, ate and watched some tv.  Eventually nothing else sounded good so he suggested Paper moon and we watched it and I really enjoyed it.  My son came home later that night.  We talked about Sunday.  I said I would really like to go on an underground tour in old sac - everyone seemed on board with that. 

It was early enough to watch another movie - American Wedding - which was really funny.  we laughed and had a great time and then went to bed.

Friday, July 8, 2011

I got into work and finished cleaning out and cleaning up everything.  I finished writing all of the information I could think of to pass off.  It was my boss's last day.  It is becoming surreal - one more week and then I no longer work here.  Not sure what my future hold in front of me.

I got off work and called my son - he verified he would not be home until late in the evening.  I went home - waiting for a call from someone I may work with - but no call.  I did sme other things around the house and just really tried to vege out.  I am so emotionally worn out.  I am on the verge of tears - so much going on.

My hubby called on his way back from SF and we agreed on Pizza and I had already talked to my son about watching Tangled -
he said that would be fine with him since had had already seen it 2 times.  Hubby picked up pizza and we did watch tangled and then my son came home.  He read some stuff about Boy Scouting to me and we discussed some other things. And then I crashed out a…

Thursday, July 7, 2011

Yeesh!  Today no co-worker in the AM.  Busy - everyone wants things completed by EOB today.  I busted my butt doing them.  We had a conference call - this one went better than the last one but still no answers - supposedly we will know about our positions Tues or Wed next week (only a couple of days before we lose our positions here - makes all of us tense)

After the conference call - I worked my butt off trying to finish things up.  I ended up leaving after 2:40pm.  I missed a call from the guy who emailed me - so i emailed him back and we talked for an hour.  I am liking the idea of the job more and more - it doesn't sound as boring as the other guy made it sound.  My son says he will not be home for dinner - some camp he is helping out for boy scouts or something. 

Hubby and I had hamburgers and chatted.  We talked about plans for dinner tomorrow.  I got ready for bed and he came as always to rock me to sleep but we talked for awhile.  I am glad we can talk in depth about some …

Wednesday, July 6, 2011

Another day - hmm possibilities of working closer to home and not getting up so early are sounding better all of the time.  Headed to work.  Again chaotic and busy - no breaks.  I feel like I am sinking in a large ocean full of hostile waves - but just a few more work days and I won't be here so I know I can make it.

I got home and just felt sooo tired I had to lie down.  I checked my email and found I had an email from another person wanting to talk to me about a job (same job or different I have no idea).  I sent him an email and waited for his call.  My son was having dinner with his friend and then he chose to go to the drive-ins with them - geez he is barely home - good I guess.  Hubby and I had enchildas again this time with both swtiched - I got green sauce and he got red - just  for a change up.  We talked some more.

My daughter called asking - nearly begging for me to visit with her sooner - I said no but I did tell her I mailed that envelope.  Talked to hubby about diffe…

Tuesday, July 5, 2011

I got up and went to work today.  I ended up heading out later than I intended so I went the way that goes quicker (and not a street that has 4 McDonalds on it) and as I was driving I realized it was going to be crazy busy today and I did not have any lunch - so I decided I would just have to wait at the McDonald's closest to my work to open at 5:30am and be a little late.  Well happily I found out they changed their hours and now open at 5am!  So I got into work with food and starting to feel better and I had a red light on my phone meaning voicemail (rare) I had a call from a manager talking about my new job positions!  YEA!

I sent him and email and voicemail about the best time to get ahold of me.  I worked through the day trying to finish things up and at the same time doing my regular job - it was chaotic and busy - never having even a moment to eat or take a break.  Finally I left - my plan was to get some ice-cream as a quick snack - stop at home - write a quick letter to m…

Monday, July 4, 2011 - A Pyro's Dream!

So we got up and hubby and I decided to enjoy some mac n cheese since my son was away.  Hubby went out and bought some fireworks - now we have a lot between the two of us.  We relaxed and chatted - I talked to him about some hard topics and he let me book the plane tickets to a consult that he needs to go to.  At least in one area I feel I am moving forward in my life.  My son called and invited us to his friend's house for a BBQ and to bring our fireworks.  We did - we enjoyed the company - and then spent several hours shooting off fireworks.  Between our fireworks and their's we had hours of fun!  Even setting off many at a time for the fun of it.  Finally we left a bit after 11pm.  I realized somehow I lost my bluetooth on Saturday - hubby tried to help me find it - no luck - so I went to bed knowing I would not be able to talk while driving - oh well.

Now to see what will happen this week on the job front.

Sunday, July 3, 2011

Still hot.  I got up and down a few times.  Hubby took my son to his friend's house for a birthday party and then he and I relaxed and ate enchiladas.  It was really a do nothing day.  Hubby ran a few errands but I stayed indoors mainly.  I read a little and played on the computer.  Hubby and I got a chance to just talk and hang out without stress.  Later that night my son called and asked if he could spend the night so we agreed.  He and his friend popped back over so my son could get his things.  Hubby and I watched some tv and then went to bed.  Although we did not do much - it was nice to relax and start trying to figure out the next week with possible job opportunities.

Saturday, July 2, 2011

I got up early and made sure the house was clean and finished up in my daughter's room.  Then I headed out to LensCrafters to meet up with my daughter and her therapist so she could have her eye exam.  I got there early and spent a little time reading before the arrived.  They arrived just as LensCrafters opened.  I filled out the paperwork and she saw the doctor.  Her eyes actually improved and they changed her perscription.  She picked out some neat glasses - black with holographic speckles and silver butterflies on the side.  Then we headed back to the house.

At the house it was tense and awkward.  My daughter looked around her room that I had finished and liked it a lot.  My son and hubby came out and we talked about spiders and the weather and lots of small talk.  I showed my daughter pictures of my son's skull cake.  Then they left to go get the glasses and take her back to her group home. 

My hubby, son and I went out to Coco's for a late lunch.  It was so hot when …

Friday, July 1, 2011

Another day at work.  Dragged myself in - very tired.  Not too busy just hard to find the effort.  I am nervous for my remaining co-workers - I do a lot of back end work - and suggest directions for them to go when they are unsure - who will fill my shoes - it is not that they are big shoes to fill - just a different way at looking at things that seems to help the group a lot.

I left a little early so I could beat my mom and son home or at least be there when they got there.  I bought fireworks on the way and then got home.  Enough time for me to start some laundry and prep dishes and finish cleaning up the house.

My mom and son got there.  We had a nice chat - my mom kept getting cold because I leave the house AC on pretty cool.  My son actually pulled out his guitar and sang a bit to us.  My hubby got home and BBQed hamburgers and we all ate and relaxed while talking.  It was nice to have dinner with my mom and show off our house.  After my mom left we settled down and headed for be…

Thursday, June 30, 2011

I had such nightmares last night.  I am so tired and feel like I am going to burst into tears at any moment.  My body hurts and I an emotional wreck.  I just need to get through the day and actually make some progress on the housework since my mom is coming up on Friday and my daughter and her therapist are visiting on Saturday.

I got to work.  Groggy and tired.  Very quiet.  Got a few things done and rested.  My co-worker came in and we talked while we worked.  Stressful and tiring.  My boss came in around lunch time - she said she threw my name out for a technical writer job.  I just hope I get something.  Even my boss does not care how much effort I put in at this point.  We are just winding everything down.
I got done with work and stopped at the store to get a mop.

I did a few things when I got home - finally hung my hubby's sword and cleaned up and steamcleaned a bit.  So tired - just do not have energy.  A few worthless phone interviews - I am totally not qualified - and th…

Wednesday, June 29, 2011

Feeling tired.  Emotionally the job situation is taking a toll.  I like to know that I have income coming in and to be in such fear of having to face not having an income again is really wearing me out.  The pain comes back because of the stress and the tenseness of my muscles.  I just try to keep smiling and get through it.

I really need to clean up the house after I get off work today.  I got to work and it was chaotic.  Everyone is stressed and we are all tired.  At least I know I am not the only one dealing with it and everyone else seems to feel the same way as everyone seems to be talking to everyone and having private meetings and chatting about it.  My best friend at work asked to take me out to lunch so we went.  We talked about all kinds of stuff and ended up on movies.  We both told each other about a particular movie we liked.  He said he was going to bring Donnie Darko in and I said I would bring Bound in.  It felt nice, and yet sad - it probably will be the last lunch we…