Showing posts from September, 2014

Mabon / Fall Equinox

The last several years I have been away from home on Mabon.  This year I am partially not home.  I am traveling yesterday and today to Berkeley, CA to go to the CAMFT Board Meetings.  Normally I am at the ATTACh Conference but this year it was in Florida and I didn't have the funds to go. 
This year has been really interesting.  Last year, I got involved with a small group of people who saw some things we felt were wrong and we got together and reached out to the rest of the membership.  At the board meeting this time last year, they listened to our voice and we exacted change!  This year I am sitting here watching the board work and 5 members of our small group are now on the board!  What a harvest.
This year is also hard, right now my husband is watching over his grandfather's end of life.  It is hard to let go but a good time of year to let go.  It will be hard for my husband as this is his last remaining relative. 
Let peace go where we let things go and let everythi…

Death with Dignity

So this weekend was spent with my hubby visiting his grandfather who is now in a 24 hour nursing facility.  Grandpa wants to die, he is 93 years old (almost 94), gotten too weak to care for himself, lost his wife a few years ago and really no longer has a good quality of life.

Why must this wonderful, self sufficient man be forced to waste away in pain and discomfort both emotionally and physically when he feels he has lived a long and wonderful life.  We do not want him to leave but watching him wither away is not right.  He no longer wants to be here - I hate that we have to watch this proud man lose his dignity as he slowly dies.  It breaks my heart that if one of my pets no longer is able a decent quality of life, it is ok to let them go, but it is not ok for a human being.

I hope and pray now that Grandpa has made his decision that he does not want to live any longer, he is able to go rather quickly.

Full Harvest of Fruit Moon

This is the time we start reaping our harvest.  Seeing what we actually gained for all of our hard work.  These are my seeds of intend this turn of the wheel:

1.  To continue to become more physically, mentally and emotionally healthy.
2.  To continue to focus on helping my son into adulthood and being present with him and understanding of his limitations and abilities.
3.  To find a way to become a therapist in the direction in which the Goddess leads me.
4.  To find a way to be supportive of my daughter and not enable her as she goes into adulthood.

And I am reaping:
1.  I am down to monthly on my allergy shots, got my female problems taken care of, and found that to be emotionally healthy, seed #4 would have to be let go.
2.  My son is doing really well - in his 2nd year of college, has a job, and is becoming more and more independent and responsible. I support him and try to help when needed but mostly let him learn by doing.
3.  I am gaining more clients and slowly working up …

How do I move on?

Another night of nightmares.  How do I move on?  I have so much anger and hurt towards what my daughter did to us.  No closure.  She does not seem to care how much she hurt us or what it cost us or how much work we had to do to try to recover.  She just lives her life.  While as a therapist I understand how her brain works and she is just unable to really take ownership of her behaviors nor really have empathy as to what damage she causes - the mom in me hurts so bad that I trusted her and was working with her to try and give her a good chance at life and she would do this to me.

This is one of those things that really hurts.  She wrote this message on Facebook after she broke into my house and trashed it and then stole my car and drove, using my stolen credit card to get gas and to buy Starbucks gift cards.  That she can write this while actually hurting me - hurts me even worse.
Then a couple of days later she writes this.  Despite the fact she left lots of evidence, she would conti…

The most terrifying night of my life

It has taken me 2 months to be able to write this as I am still overwhelmed by what happened and the series of events since.

Note sure how to start - Well first I should say if you are triggered easily by violence and fears of murder and torture - I would highly recommend you stop reading now.

So let's start with the news article and then I will tell the story through my eyes (by the way the woman in the article is my daughter.)

Monday, Jun 16 2014 06:02 PM
Reports: Beating, rape was payback for gun theftThe brutal beating and rape of a woman late last month was allegedly payback for the woman's failure to prevent the theft of a pimp's gun from her motel room, according to court filings.

The woman told police Michael Durand Lenoir was "furious" when he discovered an acquaintance of his had taken a black revolver from the woman's motel room in the 900 block of Union Avenue, the reports say. Lenoir, 41, tracked her down in the area of Union Avenue and Brundage Lan…