Thursday, June 16, 2011
What started out at a quiet morning at work - turned into a crazy day. It was so busy and there were issues with our ticketing system and our search on our knowledgebase which of course was problematic since a lot of the problems were not ones that I know the answers right away so I had to manually look through things to find what I wanted.
No breaks or anything - finally off just after 2pm. I went to Home Depot and bought a sander, sandpaper, stain, tarp, paintbrush and laquer. I got home and realized there was no way I could physically put the table together in order to start sanding it.
So I did what I had been putting off - I cleaned up my daughter's room. When she left she left in a tantrum - things are broken and strewn all around. I found lots of hateful writing and pictures about me and that was tough but now her room looks nice. I ordered a few things to decorate as she will come for a visit on July 2nd if all goes well. She will be supervised by her therapist and hopefully we can make some progress on beginning visits again. She has not been home since October 30, 2010 when she was put in a level 12 group home and then she blew out of that and in December got moved to a level 14 group home.
I am hoping that cleaning out her room and decorating it and finishing patching the holes and removing the writing she did on the walls will help put more positive energy into the house. I am hoping my son can slowly start to hate her less so I don't have to beg him to buy into her visits. She will NOT come home this time until she is better - so she may never come home - but I will let her visit if the visits don't turn violent or mean. I am hoping this time she will get it together. This group home is good for her and the therapist is good and gets her. She does not think I am a bad mom and totally gets how mentally ill my daughter is. Finally what I and my daughter needed - but now I am just hoping my daughter will take the time she needs and the offers of help and actually work to get better.
I did remember to start the dinner this time - but it wasn't ready when my hubby got home - this crock pot cooks slower than the previous one (which the pot cracked - so we had to buy a new one). My hubby came home and flopped on the bed - I rubbed his back while we talked of the days events. So calming. He got up and checked on the chicken and said we had a bit longer - I started checking email. As I was sitting on the bed he came in with his guitar and started picking a melody. It sounded nice, soothing and romantic. I was really enjoying the moment - he chuckled and started singing F**k you very much the FCC, I should have known - LOL - but it was funny and amusing and the best part is my son had NOT been playing and he just picked up his guitar and started playing by himself and singing. Anyway my son came in and they were then playing and singing different tunes and parodies. It was really nice. There is something magical about watching them play and sing together - like a perfect moment.
To me time just kind of hangs for a few moments, things slow down and I get that warm glowy feeling inside my heart. I would cry it makes me so happy but if I did that would ruin it as both would then cater to me and that is the whole amazing thing of that energy around them at that moment - it is just pure - peace. For that moment the energy feels wonderful around them - they are not hurting, depressed, worrying or anything else - just at peace - I don't think either of them get that very often so I love that for a moment they did.
Then the moment broke and it was dinner time. We all enjoyed dinner and hubby was happy because I ate everything on my plate - he liked that he gave me the right amount - usually I cannot eat it all. Then back into the room for me to get ready for bed. I suggested that they put the table together and hubby said something that sounded like he didn't want to so I said never mind and what do you know they went out and did it anyway. So tomorrow I hope to get it sanded. Tomorrow more stuff will come for my daughter's room.
I went to sleep with my hubby cuddling me - so wonderful - I really do have an amazingly wonderful life.
No breaks or anything - finally off just after 2pm. I went to Home Depot and bought a sander, sandpaper, stain, tarp, paintbrush and laquer. I got home and realized there was no way I could physically put the table together in order to start sanding it.
So I did what I had been putting off - I cleaned up my daughter's room. When she left she left in a tantrum - things are broken and strewn all around. I found lots of hateful writing and pictures about me and that was tough but now her room looks nice. I ordered a few things to decorate as she will come for a visit on July 2nd if all goes well. She will be supervised by her therapist and hopefully we can make some progress on beginning visits again. She has not been home since October 30, 2010 when she was put in a level 12 group home and then she blew out of that and in December got moved to a level 14 group home.
I am hoping that cleaning out her room and decorating it and finishing patching the holes and removing the writing she did on the walls will help put more positive energy into the house. I am hoping my son can slowly start to hate her less so I don't have to beg him to buy into her visits. She will NOT come home this time until she is better - so she may never come home - but I will let her visit if the visits don't turn violent or mean. I am hoping this time she will get it together. This group home is good for her and the therapist is good and gets her. She does not think I am a bad mom and totally gets how mentally ill my daughter is. Finally what I and my daughter needed - but now I am just hoping my daughter will take the time she needs and the offers of help and actually work to get better.
I did remember to start the dinner this time - but it wasn't ready when my hubby got home - this crock pot cooks slower than the previous one (which the pot cracked - so we had to buy a new one). My hubby came home and flopped on the bed - I rubbed his back while we talked of the days events. So calming. He got up and checked on the chicken and said we had a bit longer - I started checking email. As I was sitting on the bed he came in with his guitar and started picking a melody. It sounded nice, soothing and romantic. I was really enjoying the moment - he chuckled and started singing F**k you very much the FCC, I should have known - LOL - but it was funny and amusing and the best part is my son had NOT been playing and he just picked up his guitar and started playing by himself and singing. Anyway my son came in and they were then playing and singing different tunes and parodies. It was really nice. There is something magical about watching them play and sing together - like a perfect moment.
To me time just kind of hangs for a few moments, things slow down and I get that warm glowy feeling inside my heart. I would cry it makes me so happy but if I did that would ruin it as both would then cater to me and that is the whole amazing thing of that energy around them at that moment - it is just pure - peace. For that moment the energy feels wonderful around them - they are not hurting, depressed, worrying or anything else - just at peace - I don't think either of them get that very often so I love that for a moment they did.
Then the moment broke and it was dinner time. We all enjoyed dinner and hubby was happy because I ate everything on my plate - he liked that he gave me the right amount - usually I cannot eat it all. Then back into the room for me to get ready for bed. I suggested that they put the table together and hubby said something that sounded like he didn't want to so I said never mind and what do you know they went out and did it anyway. So tomorrow I hope to get it sanded. Tomorrow more stuff will come for my daughter's room.
I went to sleep with my hubby cuddling me - so wonderful - I really do have an amazingly wonderful life.
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