My Quest for Peace - Day 27

What I most fear in life:
I fear I will not be a good therapist.
I fear I never will be able to lose weight.
I fear that I will never get healthy.
I fear that those I love will leave me.
I fear that those I love can never really love me.
I fear that I will never be successful.
I fear that I am really a fake and someday it will become obvious to everyone else.
I fear that I will never be financially stable.
I fear that I will get hurt again.


I choose to accept these fears, to integrate, learn and use them to become a better me.

I will use my fear of not being a good therapist to check in with my clients, and be willing to try different things if what we are doing is not working.  I will meet those fears head-on by being open minded and truly listening to the client, this will allow me to be the best therapist I can be for them.

I will use my fear of not losing weight to push me to continue to change my eating habits and to exercise.  I can use it to remind me that I do want to lose weight and I will try not to cave into the self-defeating thoughts that come with failing.

I will use the fear of not being able to get healthy to remind me to keep exercising and to focus on being healthy.  I will continue to see the doctor and I will remind myself that to be the best me I can be I need to try to be as healthy as I can be.  Not only do I deserve it but those around me deserve the best me!

Despite the fact that many of those who I have loved have left me, and I am scared others will do so, I need to remind myself of the things that I have learned from the losses and also remember the time with them means so much more than just the fear of losing them.  My hubby has taught me so much, even if he were to die or leave me, the things I have learned and experienced with him greatly outweigh any loss I would feel.

My main work is learning to accept that those I love really do love me and accept their love because I am worthy of it.  I practice not dismissing complements and allowing myself to feel worthy of their love.  I still have this fear but, slowly it is not grabbing a hold of me as much.

My fear of success actually seems to go both ways, not only do I fear I never will be successful in what I aspire to, I fear success and the fact that it would mean I am capable and able to do more and it is only me limiting myself.  This is the area that I sabotage the most and I need to use and accept this fear so that I can challenge myself to go beyond it.

Sometimes I feel like such a hollow shell and that I have faked everything and that someday it will catch up to me.  Really this is more of the fear of success.  I need to use these times that I feel this way to meditate and to allow myself to open up because there is much more than a shell of me and I am an authentic person - just I get scared and shut it down and then I feel like a fake person.

I am so afraid that financially I will never get myself out of the mess I am in.  This is a real fear and based in reality.  I need to use this fear to help me be financially responsible, to not overspend the moment I have money and instead to set a plan and focus on slowly working myself out of debt.

I really do understand my daughter more than she will ever know.  I am so afraid of getting hurt.  Really if I look at all of my fears they all really come down to the fear of being hurt - whether by others or by the dreams that I have not coming true.  I need to accept and understand this fear for what it is, a true fear but one that can sabotage my reality so that I do get hurt again because I am so scared I victimize myself.  This one is going to take the most work.

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