Forgiveness

This is one of my posts that has been on the back burner for some time.  I originally started it because I read the book - The Devil In Pew Number Seven. I don't want to give the story away, but this girl that endures horrific problems and violence is able to forgive this man who destroyed her childhood and her family. 


I was shocked when I read that she forgave him because to me what he did was basically unforgivable.  But then I started reading and thinking about forgiveness.  And started realizing a few things.  There is forgiving and there is forgetting.  Forgiving is all about allowing the person who wronged you to take up space in your head and sap your energy.  To not forgive is to hold a grudge and to remain a victim.  It is really hard to let it go and to forgive and to use what happened as a learning experience.  You can forgive and get your life back but you should not forget what that person did.


For example, if your friend went behind your back and started rumors about you, you can spend your life being victimized and thinking how they wronged you and allow your energy to be sapped for anger but really that is affecting everything in your life and allowing that person to have a lot of control in your life.  If you forgive them you say that energy is not worth it and you know what is true and your real friends will get it.  But forgetting would not a wise choice because if you "forgot" what they did to you and gave personal information to them again and they twisted it and turned it into rumors - you allowed it to happen again.  Instead forgive and remember - Forgive them for what they did but remember not to set yourself up again so they can hurt you.






Forgiving but not forgetting allows you to have control back in your life and not to be a victim.  You learned from the experience and found a positive way to see it and have moved on so you can focus on better things.


Now, I can say all of this, and I for the most part have forgiven people who have wronged me, I am not sure I could have been as strong as the woman who wrote that book.  I admire her strength and her beliefs and hope that someday I can be there.  I can say that over the past year or so I have forgiven many people and the wrongs I feel happened to me.  I have felt more free because of it and I do remember how I felt wronged and have been working to not put myself in those positions anymore.  It is a nice feeling when I control how I spend my energy - positive and enjoying life or negative and focusing on all of the bad things that have happened and how I have been victimized.


A friend of mine who went through some horrific times and was terribly victimized, told me she had a choice - to be a victim or a survivor.  She told me that her metamorphosis from a victim to a survivor was simply by choosing forgiveness - it took time but she said it changed her whole future.

 I will continue to always work towards forgiveness.