My Quest for Peace - Day 50
Wow! Halfway through this Quest and I am feeling a lot more peaceful - so I am going to keep going forward.
I feel loss about: losing my daughter to CPS - I still have rights and a connection with her but I feel like I lost her and feel a bit of a failure.
the many years I wasted not being who I am and being a victim.
my relationship with my ex-husband - I miss him being my best friend.
What changes have taken place due to this loss:
our family has had to change our dynamics
I changed because of the many years of being a victim
my relationship with my ex-husband changed.
Are there gifts and opportunities in this loss:
Yes - my family no longer walks an eggshells and feels more peaceful; my daughter is safe and has opportunities and resources she would not have had if she had stayed in our family.
I have learned much in the years I played victim and have been able to see how I am changing now.
My relationship is growing more healthy with my ex-husband.
What is my new story of healing and Peace about this loss:
parenting means to protect and love our children - this is a different way to love and protect her and more importantly this is a much healthier way for all of us.
I realize that by playing victim I was not getting anywhere - I can control my own life and my own actions so if I want something to change I just have to change the way I am relating to it.
All of my relationships are becoming healthier - I am focusing on the good healthy parts of my relationships with others including my ex-husband and working to limit the unhealthy or toxic parts so they do not hurt me the way they used to which caused me to react in unhealthy ways.
At the end of these 50 days I am now feeling more grateful, open to experiences, hopeful and peaceful just to be alive - I am healing everyday and everyday is a miracle.
I feel loss about: losing my daughter to CPS - I still have rights and a connection with her but I feel like I lost her and feel a bit of a failure.
the many years I wasted not being who I am and being a victim.
my relationship with my ex-husband - I miss him being my best friend.
What changes have taken place due to this loss:
our family has had to change our dynamics
I changed because of the many years of being a victim
my relationship with my ex-husband changed.
Are there gifts and opportunities in this loss:
Yes - my family no longer walks an eggshells and feels more peaceful; my daughter is safe and has opportunities and resources she would not have had if she had stayed in our family.
I have learned much in the years I played victim and have been able to see how I am changing now.
My relationship is growing more healthy with my ex-husband.
What is my new story of healing and Peace about this loss:
parenting means to protect and love our children - this is a different way to love and protect her and more importantly this is a much healthier way for all of us.
I realize that by playing victim I was not getting anywhere - I can control my own life and my own actions so if I want something to change I just have to change the way I am relating to it.
All of my relationships are becoming healthier - I am focusing on the good healthy parts of my relationships with others including my ex-husband and working to limit the unhealthy or toxic parts so they do not hurt me the way they used to which caused me to react in unhealthy ways.
At the end of these 50 days I am now feeling more grateful, open to experiences, hopeful and peaceful just to be alive - I am healing everyday and everyday is a miracle.
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