The ABCs of Keeping Romance Alive



The world keeps us busy.  We have our daily drama and then we have those traumatic moments.  If we have a partner we just may take them for granted.  We expect them to be there for us and we may find ourselves missing that spark or passion.  You may feel in a rut or question if there are still feelings other than comfortable sameness.  I had this happen in other relationships and sometimes it starts in my current marriage - but I won't let it get far because to me it is too important.   I was on the phone to a friend the other day and she was wondering if the fire went out.  Through our conversation I took some notes as I explained things that helped me stoke our fire when it started dwindling.  And I have to say we have had huge dramas and traumas in our nearly 6 year relationship.  Many of these things would have been enough to smother the fire completely but both of us work at keeping it going.  This is not hard work, just little daily things - so let me go over the ABCs of Keeping Romance Alive and then explain how easy it really is.

Appreciate - Too often we forget to say thank you.  We need to remember to even show appreciation for "their" chores.  I thank my hubby for taking out the garbage.  He pretty much always does and I personally hate taking out the garbage so every night when I hear him taking out the garbage, I thank him.  I also let him know I appreciate how he supports me, treats me, makes me laugh and so forth.  "Thank you" is repeated maybe 50+ times a day in our home.  And we make sure it does not become just automatic.  I change it up.  "Thank you for picking up dinner on your way home".  "Hmmm, great idea - this dinner is delicious and to think you all ready worked a long day and you still went and bought it."  If your partner is home with the kids, make sure you let them know how much you appreciate that they are raising the kids and all that they do.  There is no boss to tell them they did a good job.  No client that says great customer service.  So they really need to hear it from you.

Be Present - No matter how hard we try there are always times when our partner is talking to us or doing something with us and we barely acknowledge them.  We are caught up in our own thoughts or even waiting for them to stop talking so we can tell them something.  This is normal.  But in order to keep our connection with our partner we need to take time each day to really be present with them.  Actively listen to their day and respond so they know you really do listen.  If you can remember something they told you a few days ago, a week ago, a month ago and it pertains to the conversation, consider bringing it up especially if you have felt distant.  My hubby remembering that I told him about a particular problem I had with a computer a month ago when I am working on similar problem lets me know he was listening then and is listening now - I feel heard and like I matter.

Compliment - How we feel is often a reflection in how others - especially those who we care about - see us.  Try to compliment and not put down.  Remember it takes at least 10 positives to equal that one negative.  You can do this in silly ways and you can do this seriously.   If my hubby walks in and I am changing clothes or just out of the shower - he will say - "OOHH Naked Girl" in a way that lets me know - he likes seeing me naked.  I will greet him with "Hi Sexy" when he comes home and I mean it (this is the key not fake compliments but really true compliments - not just a habit).  And remember beauty is in the eye of the beholder AND the receiver of the compliment.  You have a commitment to your partner - WHY?  There is something that drew you to them.  Compliment that and help remind them of the spark that started it all.

Demonstrate Loving Ways - My hubby and I do say I love you a lot, but even if we didn't he and I always demonstrate our love in little loving ways.  He opens up my cans of soda.  I love to give him little notes or make one of his favorite foods.  I used to leave to work at 4:30am.  I would get in the car and find my nearly empty tank had now been filled - He didn't need to say I love you to make me feel really loved and special that he would take the time to make my day a little better.

Excitement - Show excitement when your partner comes home.  I learned this from a wonderful lady.  She explained her hubby would come home and the dog would great him with enthusiasm and excitement and then he would spend time with the dog before even coming over to kiss her.  She felt dejected.  She finally asked why he spent time with the dog before her and he said because the dog shows me that he is excited for me to be home.  After that she said when her hubby got home she would jump up and tell him how happy she was to see him and he focused on her and their relationship got better since she was no longer feeling less important than the dog and harboring resentment and he feel appreciated and wanted.

Foreplay - "Foreplay starts in the morning."  I have heard this many times in movies, by experts and even by friends.  I really believe it is true.  A touch, a sensual kiss, a look, this can create a wonderful start to a day and allow for anticipation throughout the day that makes it easier to switch from the hassles of the world to a romantic evening.  Think of these two scenarios:  1.  Your partner gets up says I love you and heads to work.  You head off to work and have a hectic day.  You get home and so does your partner, after eating dinner in front of the tv you both head to bed.  It is hard to turn off the stress of the day to get in the mood and it feels more like a chore.  2.  Your partner cuddles up 2 minutes before having to get out of bed, strokes your body, whispers how much they love you and how sexy you are and how they wish they could stay in bed all day with you.  On their way out the hold tight to you making it seem as if it is the hardest thing in the world to leave you.  You cling to them, stroking their body and thinking how a sick day sounds so good.  You head to work and have a hectic day but your thoughts randomly pop back to your partner and how wonderful their hands felts this morning.  At home you eat dinner with your partner, play footsy under the table, make innuendos, and watch tv show while cuddling and starting to make out.  Now it will be much easier to let the hassles of the day melt away while in the arms of your love and instead of feeling like a chore it will feel much more like an expression of love.

Genuine - This is really important.  If anything I am writing about is not done genuinely or even with a hint of sarcasm it will destroy a relationship.  Don't say or do things you do not mean.  I once told a male friend of mine this and he said then he could never say anything nice to his wife he he had to be genuine.  I asked him why and he said his wife would ask him the age old catch 22 question, "Does this make me look fat?"  I asked what the answer would be and he said, she has had 3 kids and she IS fat.  I asked him if he loved his wife and he said he did.  I asked how he felt about her body and he said she could stand to lose some weight.  I asked him to think differently for a moment.  I asked how having kids made him feel and he told me he loves them so much.  I then said now think of the beauty of your wife to give birth to such a wonderful gift.  Would you rather have a thin wife and not have the wonders of fatherhood.  He thought about it and decided his wife was quite beautiful.  I told him the next time she asks that kind of a question to first think about the beauty and wonder she brought into this world with him.  He told me a few weeks later that he told his wife "You are the most beautiful woman in the world, I love you so much." and his wife broke down in tears she was so happy.  A few months later I asked how he and his wife were doing and he said she is not wearing sweats all of the time now and actually lost a bit of weight but even better he learned that genuinely telling her how beautiful she is has stopped the no win questions (and she is more often in the mood for sex).  Sometimes it is how we look at things that allows us to be positive in a genuine way. 

Hug - I know it seems so simple.  A hug can be so healing.  There is so much you can do with a hug.  It can be quick like a quick hug to show you care, it can be soothing when your partner is hurting and needs support, it can be erotic and sensual if it is long and has some other movements such as stroking or other touches.  A hug can be protective.  As long as a hug is not used as a method to control (holding a person in place) it is usually healing.  But again going back to genuine, people can tell when a hug has no feeling behind it.  Remember family get togethers when you didn't want to hug that weird relative you were stiff when you gave the hug.  Those kind are not helpful when trying to keep the romance alive.

Include - So many of us have lived much of our lives before we met our partner or have lives outside of our primary relationship.  This is well and good and being an individual is important but remember to include your partner in your life.  Go out with the guys for a guys night out, but let your partner know what you did and include them in the decision to go out.  There is a world of difference between "I am going to go shopping with the girls on Saturday" and "Do you mind if I go shopping with Marci and Darcie on Saturday?"  A lot of hurt feelings come from not including your partner in on your decisions, plans and life.  Talk about your dreams, goals, aspirations, feelings and in general your life with your partner.  Finances are also important both should be included in discussions about finances.  This will help with communication, hurt feelings and in general feeling unappreciated and unimportant.

Journey - Instead of looking toward an end point, see your relationship as a journey.  There will be ups and downs.  There will be exciting and amazing times and boring times. A relationship will be all of these and like a trip sharing it with someone you care about makes it so much more fulfilling.  In my nearly 6 years with my hubby we have had to deal with a lot of things.   If we waited until things "got better or more calm" to focus on our relationship, we never would get the chance.  Instead we consider our relationship being a journey and we share it, the ups and downs, the personal successes and failures together.  We always work on our relationship because we would rather take this journey together than alone.

Kiss - So often we are "busy" or are sweaty or have bad breath or whatever we do not take the moment to just give even a quick peck on the cheek or even that passionate kiss.  I learned something early in my son's life, you never know if there will be another moment together.  I dropped my son at daycare and he was crying and whining and I was late to work.  I just told him bye and I would see him later.  A few hours later I got a page on my pager with the daycare number and 911 after it.  I called, my son who was allergic to milk had gotten the wrong formula and went into anaphylactic shock.  The paramedics were there performing CPR and they were taking him to the closest hospital.  I was so afraid the last thing I would ever say to my son was bye and not a hug and a kiss and that I loved him.  Ever since then, when I leave those I love, I tell them I love them and usually give at the minimum a quick kiss.  When was the last time you and your partner necked?  Remember how it made you feel?  A kiss on the hand or the neck can be so sweet and sensual or even erotic. 

Laugh - I cannot stress this one enough.  Laughter really is the best medicine.  It is too easy in this world to become serious.  I know I have done that too much.  It is so easy to let the laughter go away.  The thing that attracted me to my hubby the most was that he could make me laugh.  I have a love\hate relationship with his puns.  My life is constantly filled with drama and it is easy to lose your sense of humor.  It is important to find humor in your day to day life and the dramas and traumas.  Put on silly and funny movies.  When I met my hubby we would find funny clips on the internet.  He sent me this funny video.  For a long time we would call each other types of cebus (you have to watch the video to understand).  When we watched ice-age my hubby started rubbing my tummy like the character Scrat would rub the acorn.  So for a date night on Sunday we went to see Ice-Age: Continental Drift.  We laugh, we are silly and we even made that silliness part of our wedding ceremony.  We do things based on our humor.  My hubby laughs everytime he see that Geiko Pig commercial, so knowing when he came home from his surgeries he found a pig on a wire across our living room.  Common jokes and laughter can get you through some pretty tough times.

Mind - The biggest sex organ is your mind.  Find out what turns your partner on.  Find out how their mind works (that can be scary sometimes - LOL).  The mind is so important and it is very important to the relationship.  The mind can play tricks on you (my hubby gets sick and we are unable to spend time together and my mind can make it about me and that he is avoiding me or mad at me.)  I know when my hubby is stressing about something, no matter what - part of his mind is replaying it over and over and thinking all kinds of different thoughts about the stress.  This often causes him to come up with over the top worse case scenarios.  Knowing his mind can let me understand why he is quiet and sullen and not making what seems to be logical sense.  He know my mind too and will try to come to the rescue of my mind's irrational thoughts.  "I love you so much, I don't want you to get sick and feel how horrible I feel right now." is a way he will keep my mind from playing tricks.  One can never know their mind completely or someone else's but we should really take the time to work on learning the best we can.  The more my hubby knows my mind the more he can understand me even if I cannot put words to what I am feeling.  If my hubby pulls away from me and seems really quiet and detached, I don't hound him for attention.  I give him some time and when he seems like he is connecting a bit more, I ask.  Often for him, he needs to process things before really understanding and being able to talk about it.  I on the other hand run my mouth and he often has to try to see through the words to what I am upset or anxious about.

Nurture - You must nurture each other, your own dreams, your partners dreams, your relationship, your health, your mental, spiritual and emotional well-being.  This means taking time and energy and spending it each other.  It may mean making a date night or having grandparents babysit the kids for a weekend.  It may even be as simple as going grocery shopping with your partner and holding hands during the drive or just asking how their day was.

Observe - Observe everything about your partner.  Pay attention to the small details.  Notice facial expressions and body language.  So often we get so used to our partner we don't even take a moment to really observe them.  Do they have dark circles under their eyes?  Do they seem more optimistic than normal?  When they eat, do they eat to stop hunger?  Are they enjoying the food?  Are they eating because something is bothering them or are they not eating because something is bothering them.  How are they dressing?  Do they seem to be sluggish and depressed or full of energy.  So often we are stuck in our selves we don't even notice the one we love is changing, struggling or excelling.  This can also be meaningful.  The weekend I met my hubby in person, he observed that while waiting in line at the book store I made a comment to myself that they had my favorite Lindor Hazelnut Truffles.  A few weeks later he gave me a gift of a bag of Lindor Hazelnut Truffles.  It meant so much for me (not just because it is chocolate and my favorite) because he paid attention to ME.  I was that important to him that he was paying attention.  I try to do the same.  If we watch as cooking show and he makes a comment on how that looks good, I make a note of it and either ask to go someplace they have that or make it myself.  An observation that your partner got a hair cut or is wearing brighter colors than normal and then a nice comment about it can mean so much.  We all want to be important to our partner, so imagine how good you could make your partner feel when you take a moment to really observe them and connect with them because of that.

Play - As adults we have often feel we have too much to do to play.  We often set aside that carefree fun and laughter and instead worry about the dishes and our budget.  When we have fun we actually change the chemicals in our brain.  When we have fun with our partner those chemical changes in our brain actually will change how we feel about our partner.  If most of your time spent with your partner is doing household chores, budgets, handling kids when you see your partner you will connect them with the all of those things.  I am not saying those things are not important or you shouldn't do them with your partner but also have fun.  You can have fun while doing those things and play around or just set aside a time to play.  Make washing the car a joint task and let loose.  Spray each other with water and have fun.  Grab your partner before they start the dishes and humm a song and dance with them.  Play a game of cards.  One of the things I found amazing when I met my hubby, is that he can amuse himself with just about anything and find something to laugh at.  Even in stressful situations he would find something amusing and help lighten the mood. We have constant running jokes and sayings in our home.  When I see my hubby the first thing that happens is I smile and actually feel lighter emotionally, because we interact in a playful manner. 

Quirk Acceptance - Each of us has our unique quirks and what often was cute or endearing at the beginning can become annoying down the road.  We need to remember that we fell in love with our partner WITH all of these quirks.  We should not try to change those quirks but instead accept them and even cherish them.  Find a way to make them work.  My hubby LOVES to sleep in on weekends.  We have an agreement - if we really need to be somewhere, he will get up earlier the rest of the time I try to let him sleep (sometimes that is hard as he is so cuddly - sometimes I cannot help but kiss and hug him when he is trying to sleep).  Instead I have found things to do during that time for myself.  I can read, watch a movie for the 1 millionth time, mediate, blog or anything else.  If my kids are available sometimes I will spend time just me and them.  I know I have many quirks that I am sure were cute and sometimes are now frustrating but my as my hubby says "You know what I love about you? - EVERYTHING!" he just find ways to handle my quirks and embrace them.

Receive - This was the hardest one for me.  I am a caregiver by nature and I love to give but hate to receive.  Funny thing is I married another caregiver so it becomes a problem when both of us love to give but hate to receive.  What I mean by that is my hubby will give me a compliment "You are sexy" and I cannot receive it so I say "I think you are silly" or "Yea if I lost 100 pounds".  What I didn't realize he constantly did the same thing to me how much it actually hurts the person giving.  I admit it when I give someone a compliment, I want them to be happy and accept it.  The same thing with a gift.  It hurts when someone dismisses the compliment as something silly or untrue because what it reflects to the giver is that they are either lying or have perception problems.  When I dismiss my hubby's compliment it hurts him and whether I mean to or not, it comes off as a rejection or a put down on him.  So remember to receive gifts gratefully.  Thank you and maybe even a compliment to them too.  So a good response for me to say to my hubby would have been, "Thank you.  I am so lucky to have such a handsome man who feels the same way about me as I do about him."  Now I am receiving his compliment and reflecting back that it is appreciated.

Support - This seems obvious, but we all forget to support our partners at some point or don't think they are serious or that they will outgrow something.  This means being supportive even when you don't understand.  I am currently unemployed and looking for work in my new career field.  My hubby has been supportive even when it meant sacrificing things.  I have done the same for him.  Despite my hopes and prayers that he would not choose to have lower surgery done to deal with his gender dysphoria and hoped he could find self-acceptance in therapy, I was supportive and made sure we had the money available so he could make the choice himself.  When he struggled with making the choice, I made the consultation because I support my hubby enough that despite my personal wants, I knew he was struggling and hurting - I wanted him to make an informed choice.  He made the choice and despite sacrifices I have had to make, I support him on his journey.  He supported and still supports me.  When your partner has a dream, ask them what makes it important to them.  Ask questions, support them.  The world often seems against you and the support of someone you love when you face the world is often the one thing that keeps us going.  Maybe your partner wants to be in a band, what would it hurt for music lessons or for them to join a garage band.  My 1st husband loved playing those multiplayer video games (WarCraft 2 and such) - I supported his love of this hobby by arranging with him whole weekends where people could come over or he could go somewhere and have "Kill-a-thons".  I saw so much drama with other wives not allowing it or intruding on that weekend.  My 1st husband told me it meant the world to him that I wasn't like that.  He supported me doing Priestess training.  Support should be mutual and it should be unconditional.  This does not mean that you dump all of your 401Ks and get a 2nd on your house when your partner tells you they want to be a poker player, but don't dismiss it and instead find a way to support them (maybe lessons or a local poker game with some limits set?)

Touch - Once again I have to say that my relationship with my hubby was a huge first on this.  I really did not enjoy being touched.  Often touch had been a form of control or being demeaned such as a slap on the butt or grabbing my hand to change my direction in the store.  My hubby is very big on how healing touch can be but boy he had one heck of a battle with me in the beginning.  So let me point out that touch only is healing when trust is involved.  It took a long time for me to trust but when I did, I found being held or cuddled could help me process emotions or fill my heart back up after a tense day.  Touch can be reassuring and can be sensual.  It is important to use touch to benefit your partner.  Example:  I had some very hard parenting decisions to make about my daughter in January and February, I had to stay logical and I was hurting badly.  My hubby moved in towards a hug one night and I pulled away.  He kept his distance but was not hurt by my actions nor did he try to force a hug - he understood that for me, a hug would cause me to break down and I would not be able to make logically decisions.  Instead a couple of days later when he came close I leaned in and he knew it would benefit me to hug me.  I cried and he nearly had to carry me to bed so he could just hold me for hours.  It was a couple of days before I really was out of that depressed and emotional point of my life but he understood when touch would be beneficial.   Sometimes just holding hands can be so healing.  Explore your partner with touch - slowly - making sure it is beneficial and comfortable.  Often you will find your relationship becomes closer.

Uncover & Understand - Ever wonder why your partner comes home from work and is moody or why a certain commercial makes them giddy?  Have you ever asked why?  So often we just assume it is a random mood.  Most moods are not random.  You can find some wonderful things about your partner just by asking.  There is a silly Geiko commercial with a pig.  My hubby giggles and loves that commercial.  I asked him why - 1.  he loves pinwheels and was able to tell me about happy times in his youth with them and 2.  He loves how happy the pig sounds.  So I learned something about him and can enjoy a deeper understanding of him.  So when he was out of a 12 hour surgery he found pinwheels at the end of his bed which made him smile.   One day he came home from work really moody and I asked him why - he explained that while at work he had an unfortunate event due to his lower surgery and he was struggling with it.  If I had assumed it was just a bad or busy day at work I would not have really understood the depth of his mood.  Instead we talked about all of the negatives of having his surgery and the regrets.   I let him vent and I accepted what he was saying without trying to gloss over anything.  After several years we think we know our partner.  Most would be surprised at how wrong their guesses are about their partners moods, feelings and beliefs.

Voice - Communication is key in a relationship but communication cannot happen unless both parties give voice to their side.  From making love (what feels good, what turns you on, what turns you off, what does not feel good) to making dinner (likes, dislikes, mood) to how to spend the day (relax, go shopping, travel) to the kind of movie (romantic, action, comedy).  So often we want to please the other person or not make waves that we will not give a voice to what we would like.  This in turn causes the partner to guess.  Hurt feelings come from always watching action and not romantic movies.  Resentment grows from not going hiking and camping like you once did.  At the minimum if you can voice your needs and wants in polite manner, they can be discussed and agreements can be come to.  Maybe he cannot camp because of his back is bad now - if you let him know maybe you can arrange a camping trip with other friends or hiking with him and then spending the night in a cabin or a rented RV.  I often hear partners complaining about things their partner does or doesn't do and more often than not the one complaining has not even brought it up to the other.  

Wonder - be curious; marvel; speculate.  Surprising thing; miracles; cause of astonishment; feeling of surprise.  That is the definition of wonder.  Take a moment as you read this, think of the wonder your partner is.  What first attracted you to them?  What was it that made you fall in love with them?  Think of how amazing that of all of the people you know you fell in love with this one.  Each of us is a miracle now think how amazing and special it is that two unique people like you and your partner connected and fell in love.  Think of all of the things thought could have made it so you wouldn't have met.  Think of the positives they have brought into your life.

X-Ray your feelings and motives - We all carry baggage.  We need to be aware of our feelings and motives.  When we do something for example get upset with our partner we need to look deeper - to X-Ray our feelings and motives.  Am I upset over something my partner did or is it that it reminds me of something else and triggered a feeling?  Early in our relationship I would push too much and then pull away suddenly.  I would get upset over what I thought was him pulling away or being to clingy.  When I stepped back and really looked at my feelings and motives - I was afraid he would leave and so I come on really strong in hopes he would run (early before I get too attached) and then when he didn't run, I would pull away (because it will end badly anyway right?).  I had to really look at my motives (didn't want to be abandoned or get hurt).  I am also bad about assuming the worst, again for fear that if I assume something good will happen that I will be hurt when it goes wrong so less hurt if I just never enjoy the good right?  If our relationship seems troubled we really need to look within ourselves and see what we are doing that maybe adding to the troubles or even causing them.  Sometimes just recognizing what we are bringing to the table and voicing it can make a huge difference.  Telling my hubby that I am having problems with feeling secure because I do not have my own income can help him understand my extreme roller-coaster of emotions for every job interview and everything surrounding it and he will react less to my over reactions while I muddle through my feelings.

Yearn - We should be able to yearn for our partner when we are apart.  I don't mean every second of the day or even everyday but if you go on a trip, even if you are enjoying yourself - take a moment and think how much you desire to be in their arms.  Often we get busy or even busy our selves to not feel the longing or the yearning we have for our partner.  It is good to yearn for them because it helps increase the anticipation of being together and can help rekindle that romance.

Zest - We should have a zest for life.  Not every moment is something we want to deal with but in general we should enjoy life and especially with our partner.  It is much easier to be drawn to someone who is enjoying life than someone who is miserable.  We should find things that peak our passions and enjoy them.  Even something as simple as a drive with your partner on a nice day can bring back a zest for life.

Ok so now you read this far and you maybe thinking - how in the world can I remember to do all of these things - they all take so much time.  I personally suggest taking a couple ideas and practicing them and when they become easy take a few more.  You will find your relationship becoming more enjoyable and often romantic.  So now let me show you a day from my life that includes these.

My hubby's alarm goes off for the first of several times (Quirk Acceptance), he turns over and moves to spoon me (Foreplay, Touch).  Somewhere after 4 or 5 times of the alarm going off (Quirk Acceptance), we tease each other about him not going to work can calling in for a sick day and say sweet nothings to each other (Foreplay, Touch, Yearn).  He hugs and kisses me and goes to the shower (Hug, Kiss).  I get up, make the bed and uncover his parrot and feed her (Demonstrate Loving Way).  He comes out of the bedroom and thanks me for feeding his parrot (Appreciate) and I ask him what he thinks of homemade burritos for dinner (Include), he thanks me and says that sounds good and says he is lucky to have me for his acorn (compliment, play, laugh, genuine).  I tell him thank you and I love being his Acorn (receive, play, laugh, genuine).  As he heads out the door we hug and kiss and I lock up behind him so he can hurry to the car since he is running late (hug, kiss, demonstrate loving way). 

While he is at work, I make a quick run to the store for olives because he once put olives on his burritos and I asked him about it and we laughed remembered sticking olives on our fingers as kids (demonstrate loving ways, observe, uncover & understand).
Several hours into his work day my hubby sent me a text that simply says *smoooches* (Foreplay, yearn) and I think how lucky I am and how amazing that we found each other (Wonder).  On his way home, my hubby stopped by a store and got cold sodas for us making sure he got my favorite kind (demonstrate loving ways).  When he got home I was at the door when he came in and gave him a big smile and a kiss (excitement, kiss) and he told me the dinner smelled wonderful (compliment) and I said thank you (receive).  We sat down to dinner and he told me about his day and I asked questions and he did the same about mine (be present, genuine). 

After dinner we sit and discuss random things in our lives, ideas, dreams and beliefs always listening and brainstorming with each other (Journey, mind, nurture, support). He asks what show I would like to watch and I feel disappointed and say whatever.  I then think for a moment how that sounded and realize why I was disappointed is that I was in the mood for sex so I suggest a comedy and then playing in our room <eyebrow raise> (Xray feelings and motive, voice).  He says "WoooHOOO play time with my sexy wife - Yea (excitement, foreplay, compliment).  We watch a comedy - laughing and enjoying it making jokes and retire to bed.  After making love, my hubby cuddles with me and then puts me to sleep with favorite fish puns (play, laugh, kiss, hug, touch) and this all gives me a zest for my awesome life.

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