Samhain, Halloween, our 4th wedding anniversary
This year I had only three of seeds of intention that I planted. 1. To continue to support my daughter in every way I could to help her healing. 2. To support my husband during his lower surgeries. 3. To continue towards becoming a therapist working with families struggling with RAD.
One thing that I have learned to trust although it is still really hard is that when you put an intention out there and focus on it, you have to understand that it may not come to fruition the way you planned or thought it would. When I decided on my intentions last year and imagined what my life would be like now, I never imagined it would be this way. I imagined that my daughter would probably have been given another 6 months to a year at the group home she was this time last year and she would be an hour away and making progress to coming home. I imagined my hubby would be finished with his surgeries and be feeling pretty good about having done it and I also imagined I would be working at a nonprofit as a therapist working with children.
1. My daughter blew out in January and forced CPS to step in and to take custody of her, she is now in a different state in a Therapeutic Residential Treatment Center and will never live at home again. I have been challenged to learn to let go of one way of parenting her and learn a completely new way. I am positive and supportive when she calls and all I can do is show her that she still has a mother and a family and we are here for her but it is time to take ownership of her own life and to let her lead her own life.
2. The surgeries started in February for my hubby and there have been some complications along with a delay on the final rounds of surgeries. So his next surgery is in just under a month. He has been in pain and discomfort since February 28th and it is wearing on him. He constantly says he wishes he had not done this, I think that will change if he can become more comfortable but until then he feels he regrets doing it. Another complication to the surgeries have been the finances. I lost my job in February and then lost my unemployment benefits so now I have no income which is causing us to go in the hole each month. My mother ended up having to pay for this next surgery because we just don't have the funds which causes more stress for both hubby and I. I think it is challenging both of our views that a surgery can correct many things. Through all of this though, my hubby has had some positive comments and I do think in the end he will be more comfortable in his body.
3. I thought I would have been working as a therapist by now. I have had many ups and downs and a couple times I have been hired and then things came up where it would not work out. I am learning new ideas and techniques for interviewing and I also went to the ATTACh conference and learned so much more about trauma and attachment issues and the brain. I think I needed this time to learn how to separate my personal life with my professional life. I am sure this is all so I will be ready to be a therapist but it has been very hard to not just get a job and start working.
I enjoyed my Halloween and Samhain with my family and my hubby and my 4th wedding anniversary. Despite all of the challenges this year, I am happier and more aware of the wonderful family and support I have. I am very lucky to have a husband who loves and support my dreams through all of our challenges.
This year I had 8 seeds in my apple. At first I was overwhelmed and then I realized each seed is an opportunity but I don't have to do all of them at once instead I can learn from my ancestors and instead of planting all 8, I can hold some until I need them and just choose a few to plant at this time (don't put all of your eggs in one basket theory).
So this year my seeds of intent are:
1. To become more physically, mentally and emotionally healthy.
2. To focus on helping my son into adulthood and being present with him and understanding of his limitations and abilities.
3. To find a way to become a therapist in the direction in which the Goddess leads me.
4. Continue to let go of the past and learn to live in the present and not to spend too much time obsessing about the future.
Comments
Post a Comment