I'mmmm BAaaack!
I was reading a blog today by a very inspiring woman. It made me realize how much I mask what goes on in my own head and life. The reason I stopped writing this blog for the last several months is, well honestly I didn't want to admit that my life did not go where I wanted it to go. I had turned my blog into just really a diary but it got less and less about really what I was feeling and dealing with and more and more about my schedule.
I hide from what I cannot deal with. I suck it up and stuff it somewhere. Over the next few days I will fill in what really was happening within and without and now I have to really honestly start dealing with things.
This used to be called Lady Heather's domain but I have now added : My life in a nutshell. The reason is I really have to deal with my internal issues and part of that is to remind me that I do have "nutty" thoughts constantly running through my head that I have to deal with.
So lets restart with the basics and start with the name of this blog.
Lady Heather's Domain. My real name is Heather and if I had to label myself I would be a femme lesbian - but that gets a bit complicated so more on that later. I love the butch-femme dynamics that I live. I love that power I can get being a woman, and yet because of how I grew up - I struggle with that a lot because I was raised to believe women were weak and only when they took on masculine traits would they be considered strong. I am have been trained as a Priestess of Place to serve the Goddess and I have chosen to serve her by helping others and so I am a Lady of the Goddess. This is one reason I call this Lady Heather's Domain. The other reason, I love CSI and when I saw how wonderfully Lady Heather's character portrayed the powerful female using femininity, I loved the name Lady Heather even more.
My life in a nutshell. There are multiple meanings to this. 1. I am bi-polar and so I have struggled nearly my whole life not to be a "nutcase" and I think that is one of my main issues - I never really deal with it and how it affects my life. 2. I really believe in life you have to start out like an acorn and then work really hard to become a mighty oak. It takes nurturing and storms and sunshine to finally become a wonderful mighty oak with deep roots and big branches. 3. As with all things in my life there is always a bit of humor - my hubby loves the Ice Age movies and he says he is Scrat always admiring and loving that last special acorn (me!).
I am going to put my issues out here on the table and work through them. I am hoping if I really put them out for the "world" to see, maybe I can see them in a better light and really start to deal with things instead of hiding from them.
For some in my life (since I am a talker) they think I put it all out there but really I never put the things that really scare me and issues I don't want to deal with out there so I am going to see if I can do this - NO actually I AM going to do this (thanks to the inspiration of someone who I think is really brave.)
So now begins my journey of going inside of myself and starting to deal with my own issues.
I hide from what I cannot deal with. I suck it up and stuff it somewhere. Over the next few days I will fill in what really was happening within and without and now I have to really honestly start dealing with things.
This used to be called Lady Heather's domain but I have now added : My life in a nutshell. The reason is I really have to deal with my internal issues and part of that is to remind me that I do have "nutty" thoughts constantly running through my head that I have to deal with.
So lets restart with the basics and start with the name of this blog.
Lady Heather's Domain. My real name is Heather and if I had to label myself I would be a femme lesbian - but that gets a bit complicated so more on that later. I love the butch-femme dynamics that I live. I love that power I can get being a woman, and yet because of how I grew up - I struggle with that a lot because I was raised to believe women were weak and only when they took on masculine traits would they be considered strong. I am have been trained as a Priestess of Place to serve the Goddess and I have chosen to serve her by helping others and so I am a Lady of the Goddess. This is one reason I call this Lady Heather's Domain. The other reason, I love CSI and when I saw how wonderfully Lady Heather's character portrayed the powerful female using femininity, I loved the name Lady Heather even more.
My life in a nutshell. There are multiple meanings to this. 1. I am bi-polar and so I have struggled nearly my whole life not to be a "nutcase" and I think that is one of my main issues - I never really deal with it and how it affects my life. 2. I really believe in life you have to start out like an acorn and then work really hard to become a mighty oak. It takes nurturing and storms and sunshine to finally become a wonderful mighty oak with deep roots and big branches. 3. As with all things in my life there is always a bit of humor - my hubby loves the Ice Age movies and he says he is Scrat always admiring and loving that last special acorn (me!).
I am going to put my issues out here on the table and work through them. I am hoping if I really put them out for the "world" to see, maybe I can see them in a better light and really start to deal with things instead of hiding from them.
For some in my life (since I am a talker) they think I put it all out there but really I never put the things that really scare me and issues I don't want to deal with out there so I am going to see if I can do this - NO actually I AM going to do this (thanks to the inspiration of someone who I think is really brave.)
So now begins my journey of going inside of myself and starting to deal with my own issues.
SO proud of you right now, you have no idea.. And especially because i know how hard it is to put things out there for the world to see. Happy to have a blog buddy to journey with, truly..There's power in numbers you know :)
ReplyDelete(((big hugggs)))