Fear...

6:56pm tonight I got a phone call and this is how I felt:
 

Yup I am now on edge and feel like at any moment I could be attacked - well any moment from sometime tomorrow afternoon.

My daughter has been at level 14 group home (highest level in this state) and she has been running away, stealing, hitchhiking, having sex, doing drugs and being violent (she is 16 years old).  Tonight her therapist at her current group home (3 hours away) let me know they will be bringing her back to this city and dropping her off at the receiving home for children here (15 min from our home).  The last time my daughter was in this place they are taking her to she constantly AWOLed (ran away) and kept ending up back at my house threatening me.  I am fearful for the safety of myself, my family and my home.  It is frustrating how slow the system has been working.  The group home gave 7 day notice mid April and they kept waiting for the courts and social workers to find a new placement for her - they did several weeks ago - out of state BUT they still do not have a date yet for that move.  

I am fearful that my daughter will become a runaway or get arrested before they can get her to her new placement.  I have a call in to her social worker because I am scared and want to know that they understand this is really serious and dangerous to have her back here.

I hate that I am scared of my own daughter.  It bothers me because this is not the way it was supposed to be.  What is sad is up until that phone call I had been in a great and positive mood and had just booked my flight and hotel to the ATTACh conference. I was thinking we were so close to getting my daughter to someplace that could be healing for her.  I hope it still works out for her - but until she is at the out of state treatment center I will be looking over my shoulder worrying that she could be lurking anywhere and could jump out and attack at any minute.

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