Finding Calm amid Chaos

Last night I got a call from my daughter.  She is in the receiving home in our city.  She claimed that she would be leaving on Tuesday AM out of state.  The staff member that was there said she would send an email to the staff for tomorrow for them to arrange a supervised visit for Monday.  So this morning I kept expecting a phone call.  I called and left a couple messages for her social worker.

My hubby stayed home from work sick.  My son needed me taking him back and forth to friend's houses and picking his friend up to work on merit badges.  I started getting phone calls about my daughter and everything felt so chaotic and frenzied.

Just as I was going to pick up yet another phone call from her - I took a deep breath - closed my eyes - and reminded myself she made her choices and I do NOT have to jump and become chaotic because that is what she is trying to demand.

I picked up her call.  She was trying to get me to see her right away but there was no staff member to confirm and I politely reminded her that I had to have supervised visitation and needed to confirm with a staff member - she hung up.

I calmly closed my eyes and took a deep breath and reminded myself - I can only control my actions and reactions - no one elses.

I got a call from her social worker and found out - no my daughter was not leaving on Tuesday so I could relax.  The next phone call my daughter made to me was again trying to manipulate me and I let her know I talked with her social worker and some miscommunication must have happened because she was not leaving on Tuesday.  She lied and said she just hung up the phone from the social worker and gave me a time Tuesday that she was leaving.  I just said as soon as she has a staff that can arrange the visit I will schedule it and she hung up.

About 45 minutes later I did get a call that asked if I could come at 3 (it was 2:20) and I decided to get it out of the way and said ok.  Despite getting stuck in heavy traffic, I was not stressed.  I was just going to try to let her know how great the place was that she was going to in the next week or two and try to get her buy in. But I also knew I cannot control her choices and if she blows out - that is not my problem or consequence but hers.    She was pretty mean and nasty but I do think I might have gotten her buy in to the out of state place (or she was telling me what I wanted to hear).

The most important thing I learned today that despite the pressure to jump and get myself into a chaotic mood - I have to remember that I can only control myself and how I choose to act and react.  Today I made the choice to control my reactions and stay calm so despite what could have been a crazy and chaotic day - it was a really nice and calm day and I even got a chance to chat and hang out with some of my friends and plan my son's August trip.