The downside of bipolar....

So this possibly will a jumble of thoughts - my mind is on the downside of bipolar right now - meaning depression.  I do not take meds although times like this I sort of wish I would but only because I don't want to feel like this.  Usually I am able to anticipate and head off most of my highs and lows but sometimes the outside world triggers me and I lose my ability to handle them.  I checked in with my hubby this weekend - he is doing ok which means he can keep me safe.  I am minimizing my time with clients this next week (only Mon-Wed since it is Thanksgiving week) and then we will go away to the ocean where I will be able to regain myself at least I should.

I know I am not suicidal but I have slipped into a deep depression with auditory and sensory hallucinations.    I am slowly reading my notes of that horrific night so that I can work through the hardest symptoms.  I will see my therapist Wed AM.  Hopefully in a couple of weeks this will be over with and I can finally let that night go. 

Tomorrow I have allergy shots, a chiropractor appointment and probably get my nails done.  One of my easiest clients tomorrow night.  And I hope to find out about what the diagnosis of my minivan.  Hubby told me whatever it costs I can fix it - I appreciate that - I have had it for 15 years now and I would hate to have to give it up.  It gives me a freedom I wouldn't normally have since I can treat it like a truck and never have to rely on anyone else to get things like wood or chairs or tables our our holiday tree.

Time for bed... I need to take care of myself and give myself time to emotionally heal.

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