Transforming Grief through Transforming a Room
I guess it was time to transform my grief into passion into helping others. I did not set out to work on my grief or to transform a room. It will never cease to amaze me how those little whispers you hear inside of your head are actually nudges from the Goddess trying to keep you on the right path.
So the past few weeks have been tough while I have been waiting for my daughter to be moved out of state to a better group home that hopefully will be more therapeutic. While waiting though I have been grieving. It is hard to know my daughter will most likely never be able to live with me again, nor would living at home be healthy or therapeutic for her. When she blew out in April after doing well for a few weeks and then started having sex and doing drugs, I realized she would never be able to come home. I tried to change her bedroom into a guest room then. I bought a bed and put it in the room but I just couldn't bring myself to taking her stuff down and redecorating it. I knew I needed a desk so that I could use it as an office but I had no luck finding a desk I liked.
Thursday, I got a check in the mail that I needed to deposit. The ATM that I use is next to a thrift store. That strange whisper in my head suggested to check the thrift store for a desk. I did and there was a desk that I was drawn to (ok the reality was there were only 3 desks and 2 of the others were horrible looking and not at all I wanted in a desk). What was amazing though is that my requirements were met with this desk (made of wood, has a file drawer, and the file drawer can be locked). I looked at it and decided to come back on Friday with a measuring tape after I measure the room.
On Friday morning I measured the space in the room and had a width of 41". My son went with me to the thrift store and we measured the desk and was disappointed to find that the desk is 51". We went home and much to my surprise my son was back in the room measuring all kinds of different directions. He told me we could move the me to another wall and that would give enough room for the desk. He decided to move the bed just to see (this is a big bed and usually it takes takes an act of congress to get my son to move furniture and he was doing this at his own suggestion.) After he moved the bed we did see it would work, so back to the thrift store to get the desk. We got the desk out of the store but there was no way to fit it in the minivan (I usually can fit anything into my minivan) so the guy who brought the desk out to the minivan had overheard me saying that I only lived a couple blocks away when I made the purchase and he offered to take it to our house in the company truck. So he loaded it into the truck and followed us the couple of blocks to our house and put it in our driveway.
My son then called his friend and I went and picked his friend up and they took the desk into the room. On my way dropping my son and friend off we were discussing the color scheme of the room and I had a thought - what if I did each wall for an element. So when I arrived home, I quickly double checked what I thought by using google maps and found I was right on the directions.
My son had put up a red banner on the East wall (East = Fire) and my daughter had already put up green lace curtains on the South wall (South = Earth). I was like we already knew. I reorganized the room and took down most of my daughter's decorations and redecorated the room.
North - Wind (Air): Here I tried to make it seem white and lacy - I think I would like to find a poster of a snow covered mountain and make that white lace be curtains to make it look like you are looking out a window towards snow covered mountains. I might try to find something that shows wind or air.
East - Fire: The wall hanging is of a phoenix. Also this is the wall the desk is on and fire is considered energy for creation and hopefully I will be creating at this desk.
South - Earth: This is special to me - the curtains were put up by my daughter. The bottle the flowers flow from is a bottle she painted for Mothers' Day. I feel like that bottle contains everything I have learned from being her mother and the flowers flowing and growing towards the desk represent the beauty and ideas that will grow and bloom as I become a therapist to help other families like mine.
West - Water: I hope to find a nice under the sea shower curtain that I can put on the closet doors that would go with the theme of water.
When I finished even my son came in and kicked back with me in the room. It feels right. I do not feel as sad and depressed and instead finally feel like I know which direction to go. Everything worked together to create this room - a room where I have a place to work on healing myself as well as other families.
It is a time of reception of the first part of the harvest. I have become a therapeutic mother to my daughter, I know she needs more help and resources than I can give and I now know that I made the right choice, now that leaves time and energy to start working on becoming a therapist. The reception of a desk let me see both of these things. I am able to start receiving the bounty of my harvest of my seeds of intent.
So the past few weeks have been tough while I have been waiting for my daughter to be moved out of state to a better group home that hopefully will be more therapeutic. While waiting though I have been grieving. It is hard to know my daughter will most likely never be able to live with me again, nor would living at home be healthy or therapeutic for her. When she blew out in April after doing well for a few weeks and then started having sex and doing drugs, I realized she would never be able to come home. I tried to change her bedroom into a guest room then. I bought a bed and put it in the room but I just couldn't bring myself to taking her stuff down and redecorating it. I knew I needed a desk so that I could use it as an office but I had no luck finding a desk I liked.
Thursday, I got a check in the mail that I needed to deposit. The ATM that I use is next to a thrift store. That strange whisper in my head suggested to check the thrift store for a desk. I did and there was a desk that I was drawn to (ok the reality was there were only 3 desks and 2 of the others were horrible looking and not at all I wanted in a desk). What was amazing though is that my requirements were met with this desk (made of wood, has a file drawer, and the file drawer can be locked). I looked at it and decided to come back on Friday with a measuring tape after I measure the room.
On Friday morning I measured the space in the room and had a width of 41". My son went with me to the thrift store and we measured the desk and was disappointed to find that the desk is 51". We went home and much to my surprise my son was back in the room measuring all kinds of different directions. He told me we could move the me to another wall and that would give enough room for the desk. He decided to move the bed just to see (this is a big bed and usually it takes takes an act of congress to get my son to move furniture and he was doing this at his own suggestion.) After he moved the bed we did see it would work, so back to the thrift store to get the desk. We got the desk out of the store but there was no way to fit it in the minivan (I usually can fit anything into my minivan) so the guy who brought the desk out to the minivan had overheard me saying that I only lived a couple blocks away when I made the purchase and he offered to take it to our house in the company truck. So he loaded it into the truck and followed us the couple of blocks to our house and put it in our driveway.
My son then called his friend and I went and picked his friend up and they took the desk into the room. On my way dropping my son and friend off we were discussing the color scheme of the room and I had a thought - what if I did each wall for an element. So when I arrived home, I quickly double checked what I thought by using google maps and found I was right on the directions.
My son had put up a red banner on the East wall (East = Fire) and my daughter had already put up green lace curtains on the South wall (South = Earth). I was like we already knew. I reorganized the room and took down most of my daughter's decorations and redecorated the room.
North - Wind (Air): Here I tried to make it seem white and lacy - I think I would like to find a poster of a snow covered mountain and make that white lace be curtains to make it look like you are looking out a window towards snow covered mountains. I might try to find something that shows wind or air.
When I finished even my son came in and kicked back with me in the room. It feels right. I do not feel as sad and depressed and instead finally feel like I know which direction to go. Everything worked together to create this room - a room where I have a place to work on healing myself as well as other families.
It is a time of reception of the first part of the harvest. I have become a therapeutic mother to my daughter, I know she needs more help and resources than I can give and I now know that I made the right choice, now that leaves time and energy to start working on becoming a therapist. The reception of a desk let me see both of these things. I am able to start receiving the bounty of my harvest of my seeds of intent.
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