So many emotions
I spent last week at the Gender Odyssey Conference. It was amazing, humbling and very emotional.
I have so many things I am still trying to grasp.
My daughter also contacted me while I was at the conference and actually was in a mental health facility trying to remain sober.
So spending the day listening to loving and supporting your child no matter what and then talking my daughter and trying to apply the same concepts to my relationship with her. So much to process.
I think I will be adding to this one post for awhile as I process the emotions.
I am waiting to hear back from my daughter re: whether he relapse yesterday is going to cause her to get kicked out. So hard to just let go and yet hold my arms open.
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update Tuesday, August 25 2015 - it seems that my daughter has left the facility based on her FB posts.
I have decided to try to seek therapy because this is just to much - I need to work through these emotions and I am just a mess.
***************************
update Thursday, August 27, 2015 - I got confirmation that on Monday my daughter left the facility on her own accord. Someone from county mental health asked if I knew where she was - I gave suggestions they will check. I am heartbroken that she is still struggling and made the choice to leave a place she was getting help. I have agreed to go into some deep coaching with a friend and am still hoping to hear back from a therapist. I also agreed to work with a health coach to keep me on track. I napped today trying to just deal with the emotional drain this has been.
***************************
update Sunday, August 30, 2015- on Friday my daughter simply sent me the word "bye" via FB IM.
I have no idea what she means. I worry she is suicidal but there is nothing I can do but wait to see if I get a call from her or an IM or for someone else. I am afraid everytime the phone rings it will be someone telling me that they found my daughter's body. I hate this - I so wish there was more that I could do for her.
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update Saturday, September 5, 2015 - well I have an appointment with a therapist on Wednesday to start working on my issues surrounding my daughter. I just don't want to live my life being triggered and I really do want to feel good about any positive choices she makes. Really I guess in a nutshell I want to learn to completely forgive my daughter. I am not sure how to do that. I am working with my friend on my life coaching and working on my health. I have now realized exercise is essential to keeping my blood sugar in check.
********************************
update Tuesday, September 15, 2015 - well after a weekend of weird texts and phone calls with my daughter and myself spiraling into paranoia and depression - I am feeling a bit better and feeling hopeful that my second session with my therapist tomorrow will help me work towards healing.
I am just at such a loss on what to do so my emotions are not spun out of control with a text or phone call from my daughter.
I have so many things I am still trying to grasp.
My daughter also contacted me while I was at the conference and actually was in a mental health facility trying to remain sober.
So spending the day listening to loving and supporting your child no matter what and then talking my daughter and trying to apply the same concepts to my relationship with her. So much to process.
I think I will be adding to this one post for awhile as I process the emotions.
I am waiting to hear back from my daughter re: whether he relapse yesterday is going to cause her to get kicked out. So hard to just let go and yet hold my arms open.
**********************
update Tuesday, August 25 2015 - it seems that my daughter has left the facility based on her FB posts.
I have decided to try to seek therapy because this is just to much - I need to work through these emotions and I am just a mess.
***************************
update Thursday, August 27, 2015 - I got confirmation that on Monday my daughter left the facility on her own accord. Someone from county mental health asked if I knew where she was - I gave suggestions they will check. I am heartbroken that she is still struggling and made the choice to leave a place she was getting help. I have agreed to go into some deep coaching with a friend and am still hoping to hear back from a therapist. I also agreed to work with a health coach to keep me on track. I napped today trying to just deal with the emotional drain this has been.
***************************
update Sunday, August 30, 2015- on Friday my daughter simply sent me the word "bye" via FB IM.
I have no idea what she means. I worry she is suicidal but there is nothing I can do but wait to see if I get a call from her or an IM or for someone else. I am afraid everytime the phone rings it will be someone telling me that they found my daughter's body. I hate this - I so wish there was more that I could do for her.
********************************
update Saturday, September 5, 2015 - well I have an appointment with a therapist on Wednesday to start working on my issues surrounding my daughter. I just don't want to live my life being triggered and I really do want to feel good about any positive choices she makes. Really I guess in a nutshell I want to learn to completely forgive my daughter. I am not sure how to do that. I am working with my friend on my life coaching and working on my health. I have now realized exercise is essential to keeping my blood sugar in check.
********************************
update Tuesday, September 15, 2015 - well after a weekend of weird texts and phone calls with my daughter and myself spiraling into paranoia and depression - I am feeling a bit better and feeling hopeful that my second session with my therapist tomorrow will help me work towards healing.
I am just at such a loss on what to do so my emotions are not spun out of control with a text or phone call from my daughter.
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