Love and Loss
I just couldn't bring myself to update my blog for such a long time. I am so very torn and hurt and am grieving so much.
Since my daughter came back from her out of state placement and was put in group homes in this state - she has been going down a dark and scary road. She started using drugs again - mainly meth and pot. She was no longer taking her medications that help her keep herself together. She was refusing to follow any of the rules of the group homes and getting in fights.
She rarely went to school for the whole day - yet her 3rd school in 5 months would graduate her anyway. Group homes had no control of her. She choose to actually leave one group home to move in with a pimp and a drug dealer. When her life was in danger she called me - I got her to a hospital and prayed that she would see how destructive of a path she was on.
Then she went to another group home and the moment she got money she left. This time trying to move in with someone else who would be arrested on fraud just a couple days later.
The worst came just when I thought she really was turning herself around and I came home and realized she had broken in (with friends) and stolen my car and trashed our house and ate our food and drank our alcohol and stole my medications. She came back that night and claimed she had nothing to do with it - but she left evidence that we knew proved it.
My heart breaks as I hear she assaulted a friend of hers that she was going to move in with until she broke into my house (and that friend decided she had not turned herself around) - she stole her key and keep going into her house and taking more things when this girl was at her doctor's appointments. Then a friend of this girl, sold nearly everything he had to help her buy a car, and my daughter tries to steal that car and then slashed the tires when she couldn't.
I cannot believe that in the 14 years I raised my daughter, the values of not hurting others did not come through. She is only out for herself and she hurts anyone if it pleases her. This girl she has fixated on trying to hurt - nearly died a month ago and is in a neck brace because she has a broken neck and my daughter helps someone beat her up - WHO DOES THIS???
I want to wake up from this nightmare and have it all be just a horrible dream - that my daughter could never do this to anyone - that she can care about others - that her feelings and actions were not fake.
I feel so devastated and like such a failure. My heart is broken.
Since my daughter came back from her out of state placement and was put in group homes in this state - she has been going down a dark and scary road. She started using drugs again - mainly meth and pot. She was no longer taking her medications that help her keep herself together. She was refusing to follow any of the rules of the group homes and getting in fights.
She rarely went to school for the whole day - yet her 3rd school in 5 months would graduate her anyway. Group homes had no control of her. She choose to actually leave one group home to move in with a pimp and a drug dealer. When her life was in danger she called me - I got her to a hospital and prayed that she would see how destructive of a path she was on.
Then she went to another group home and the moment she got money she left. This time trying to move in with someone else who would be arrested on fraud just a couple days later.
The worst came just when I thought she really was turning herself around and I came home and realized she had broken in (with friends) and stolen my car and trashed our house and ate our food and drank our alcohol and stole my medications. She came back that night and claimed she had nothing to do with it - but she left evidence that we knew proved it.
My heart breaks as I hear she assaulted a friend of hers that she was going to move in with until she broke into my house (and that friend decided she had not turned herself around) - she stole her key and keep going into her house and taking more things when this girl was at her doctor's appointments. Then a friend of this girl, sold nearly everything he had to help her buy a car, and my daughter tries to steal that car and then slashed the tires when she couldn't.
I cannot believe that in the 14 years I raised my daughter, the values of not hurting others did not come through. She is only out for herself and she hurts anyone if it pleases her. This girl she has fixated on trying to hurt - nearly died a month ago and is in a neck brace because she has a broken neck and my daughter helps someone beat her up - WHO DOES THIS???
I want to wake up from this nightmare and have it all be just a horrible dream - that my daughter could never do this to anyone - that she can care about others - that her feelings and actions were not fake.
I feel so devastated and like such a failure. My heart is broken.
Comments
Post a Comment