Saturday, July 16, 2011
I got up just after 6am and headed out to Walmart to get a card - some stickers - a gift bag and some new white shirts for me since I liked the look of the white shirt and tie with my new white hat!
I got what I wanted and then headed back home - got gas and when I walked in started waking everyone up. My hubby had come to bed really late but he said he would drive. We were out of the house and on the road on time. When we had about an hour left - hubby asked me to drive - I started driving and then asked where we were - LOL - he told me and I got us there exactly on time - I mean to the minute!
The party was cute but I had some emotional issues - I stuffed them the best that I could and dealt with them on the way home with my hubby. It was a blast to watch the kids and my son played the piano an hi guitar at different times and even sang - huge progress! Around 9pm it was time for us to leave before I really lost it physically and emotionally.
On the way home after small talk and discussions in which I confessed to my hubby that I had teamed up with his ex to get him to move forward on some of his stuff which I knew he knew but I wanted to not hide it anymore - he looked at me an knew I was about to lose it and put my hand on my hand and I let it out.
Watching the kids have fun and laugh and have a birthday party hurt so much because I know my daughter never had that chance - her past was so abusive and so wrong - she should have gotten that chance she should have been allowed to play like them - it is not fair - no wonder she struggles so much - who wouldn't when the parties you knew when you were 4 were for adults to drug themselves and to abuse you in the most horrific ways. It makes me mad and it makes me sad - I hurt so much for the little girl who could have been if she had just been given the basics - then I feel bad because I want to be happy for my brother and his kids - it is so hard to enjoy these parties - I always think this one will be easier than the last but still it is not - but at least my hubby understands and he holds my hand and says he knows.
Then we are home and we talk some more and finally I fall asleep.
I got what I wanted and then headed back home - got gas and when I walked in started waking everyone up. My hubby had come to bed really late but he said he would drive. We were out of the house and on the road on time. When we had about an hour left - hubby asked me to drive - I started driving and then asked where we were - LOL - he told me and I got us there exactly on time - I mean to the minute!
The party was cute but I had some emotional issues - I stuffed them the best that I could and dealt with them on the way home with my hubby. It was a blast to watch the kids and my son played the piano an hi guitar at different times and even sang - huge progress! Around 9pm it was time for us to leave before I really lost it physically and emotionally.
On the way home after small talk and discussions in which I confessed to my hubby that I had teamed up with his ex to get him to move forward on some of his stuff which I knew he knew but I wanted to not hide it anymore - he looked at me an knew I was about to lose it and put my hand on my hand and I let it out.
Watching the kids have fun and laugh and have a birthday party hurt so much because I know my daughter never had that chance - her past was so abusive and so wrong - she should have gotten that chance she should have been allowed to play like them - it is not fair - no wonder she struggles so much - who wouldn't when the parties you knew when you were 4 were for adults to drug themselves and to abuse you in the most horrific ways. It makes me mad and it makes me sad - I hurt so much for the little girl who could have been if she had just been given the basics - then I feel bad because I want to be happy for my brother and his kids - it is so hard to enjoy these parties - I always think this one will be easier than the last but still it is not - but at least my hubby understands and he holds my hand and says he knows.
Then we are home and we talk some more and finally I fall asleep.
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