Lady Heather's Domain: My life in a Nutshell

  Time goes so fast.  It is now Lughnasadh.  We celebrate together as we all work to bring in the harvest. So many things happening.  I have gone to Oregon to see one of my clients.  I will soon be going to Seattle and then Bodega Bay.  So many positives are happening and I am struggling to organize myself.  It will be interesting to see what the harvests are this year. It will be interesting to see how the rest of this year's harvest will be.

Litha - Summer Solstice - The Beginning of summer.  This is the longest day of the year and now the nights will lengthen.  This is a time of manifestation.  We are seeing what the hard work on our intentions look like. This year my intentions are: My Seeds of Intent 1.  Continue to work on my health - now on insulin and trying to figure out how to keep my blood sugars down - I am going to Rock Steady Boxing and working out 3 days a week. 2.  Start balancing my case load so it is not overwhelming -  managing my clients and my personal life much better 3.  Continue to follow the path the Goddess has put in front of me especially when it comes to being a therapist - taking on more clients that are on the gender spectrum 4.  Continue to process letting go of my daughter - no longer having panic attacks about her as often 5.  Be good to myself - doing that 6.  Focus on organizing my life so it allows me to do what I need to do ...

Now it is the time of year when we actually start working on our intentions - we plant the seeds - we start actively spending energy to make our seeds of intent grow. So let's see how I am coming along with each of my intents. And for this next year I got 6 seeds of intent and they are going to be: 1.  Continue to work on my health I am walking more again - doing neurofeedback in hopes to help my sleep patterns 2.  Start balancing my case load so it is not overwhelming  I am learning to limit my time with my clients and learn to say no. 3.  Continue to follow the path the Goddess has put in front of me especially when it comes to being a therapist. Now I am taking some clients from an agency which allows me to get decent pay and still work with the under-served. 4.  Continue to process letting go of my daughter I am feeling better and better despite struggling on her birthday. 5.  Be good to myself. I am working on not being upset with...

This is the time we start reaping our harvest.  Seeing what we actually gained for all of our hard work.  These are my seeds of intend this turn of the wheel: 1.  Continue to get healthier and try to get all blood tests into the normal range. 2.  To increase my speaking and work towards becoming a speaker. 3.  Continue to follow the path the Goddess has put in front of me especially when it comes to being a therapist. 4.  Start figuring out how to move from Sacramento. And I am reaping: 1  I am continuing to eat healthy and to walk.  I have had some backsliding but I will get back to where I want to be. 2. I got to speak in front of other therapists about how to work with transgender clients. 3. I am going with the flow knowing that is the path that the Goddess put me on. 4. I am looking into options on how to move away from Sacramento, but realize at this time it will need to be put on hold.

Beltane is a time of Expression - it is time to express your intentions.  You have planned and created and now it is time to really work on your intentions.  This year I am seeing the possibilities of my new practice/career and need to keep working on it to make it thrive. My Seeds of Intent 1.  Continue to get healthier and try to get all blood tests into the normal range. Getting closer to doing that - my blood work is coming back closer to normal 2.  To increase my speaking and work towards becoming a speaker. Took on a speaking engagement on LGBTQ Safe Zone 3.  Continue to follow the path the Goddess has put in front of me especially when it comes to being a therapist. Following my heart, working with clients, doing more Transgender work 4.  Start figuring out how to move from Sacramento. Going to visit OR at the end of July to see clients that moved So many changes and exciting things happening, I look forward to see what the rest...

It is often called the Milk Moon because baby goats and calves have just started to be born so cow and goat milk is plentiful.   It is a time when planting is the main focus and birth and new life is plentiful. I am working to find my happiness.  I have applied for my license in Oregon in hopes that I will be able to spend more time closer to the ocean.  I am working with my seeds of intent to be able to live some place that I enjoy. I am also learning what empty nest is like.  I am finding it freeing to be in this new part of my life.

Today, I did a home therapy session with a family that was sort of like mine.  At the end of the session the mother gave me a hug and told me how much it means to her that she has me as a therapist.  Moments like these are the reason I decided to use my life challenges to help others.  I love being a therapist.

This time of year our ancestors struggled to find food, were cold and often struggled to have hope.  This is a good time to focus on what the future holds and to getting through the tough times.  This time of year always seems to be hard for me to get through.  Finances are tough from the holidays, trying to plan for the future and making it through the day, it can be hard to have hope. This is the time of year that I struggle and usually start to find the my seeds of intent are not going to come out the way I thought they would.  But If I focus on doing what seems right to my gut and focus on moving forward in the direction I feel compelled, I find that my path unfolds as it should. This is a full moon that I often ask to be shown the way and even if it seems divergent from my original plans, I follow the path that is shown - it always turns out to be the best path for me. This year I struggle with whether I should continue to build my practice...

So I checked in with the DA re: my the case in Bakersfield when Michael Lenoir hurt my daughter, and the case will move forward.  Sometime in the first couple week of December, I will most likely be called to testify against this nasty horrid person and try to get him locked up for life.  He refused a plea bargain, I hope I can help land him with at least one of the dozen felonies he is charged with so he will have his third strike.  I only say this because he has victimized many and he needs to not be among the rest of the population. What I struggle with is having to deal with this after 18 months, and trying to have empathy and compassion and forgiveness for my daughter while at the same time the other case where my daughter victimized me - that is going on.  I hate emotions like this and I hate to be so torn and raw.  I wish I could really help my daughter and have her get better. So many emotions and chaos and distractions running through my head. ...

On the plus side saying that line "When will it ever end..." reminds me of Monty Python's "Here comes another one" ... makes me feel a little bit better.  But I am still tired of the unending shit my daughter keeps bringing upon us.  Or really that her actions cause consequences to us and not to her for YEARS! So Friday is the readiness hearing for the court case where my daughter was a victim ( The Most Terrifying Night of My Life) And I am just wanting that case to be over with.  And yesterday a detective called regarding my house break in that occurred just 17 days after that incident where my daughter broke into my house with several people, trashed it and stole my other car.  The CSI took fingerprints and DNA samples on June 19-20th 2014 - after that I heard back 2 months later that they would follow up (August 2014) then NOTHING until July of this year - then they said they had a hit on DNA and they were going to check on the fingerprin...

I spent last week at the Gender Odyssey Conference.  It was amazing, humbling and very emotional. I have so many things I am still trying to grasp. My daughter also contacted me while I was at the conference and actually was in a mental health facility trying to remain sober. So spending the day listening to loving and supporting your child no matter what and then talking my daughter and trying to apply the same concepts to my relationship with her.  So much to process. I think I will be adding to this one post for awhile as I process the emotions. I am waiting to hear back from my daughter re: whether he relapse yesterday is going to cause her to get kicked out.  So hard to just let go and yet hold my arms open. ********************** update Tuesday, August 25 2015 - it seems that my daughter has left the facility based on her FB posts. I have decided to try to seek therapy because this is just to much - I need to work through these emotions and I am just a me...

Beltane is a time of Expression - it is time to express your intentions.  You have planned and created and now it is time to really work on your intentions.  This year I am seeing the possibilities of my new practice/career and need to keep working on it to make it thrive. My Seeds of Intent 1.  To walk more I am so very frustrated with this seed - early February I hurt my foot and my doctors are telling me to not walk on it.  I may even have surgery on it. 2.  To make sure I do self-care. I am working on this.  I am taking more time for myself and choosing to disconnect from toxic people.  I took it easy while I was studying and made sure to have fun. 3.  To pass my licensing exams ACCOMPLISHED!!!  I passed both exams, and my license was issued on April 21! 4.  To find a way to be supportive of my daughter and not enable her. After trying to help her into a sober living environment and failing - I have limited my int...

I hate waiting.  I turned in my application for the next exam on March 11.  On March 24th my check for my application was cashed.  I am desperate to schedule my final exam.  I just want to be over with the wait.  I hate not knowing how hard I should study and when - because if I study like crazy now but end up with over a month to wait then what I am I going to do?  I am trying hard to be patient but I am so close to the end it just frustrates me. Oh well I guess I need to learn more patience.

On March 11, 2015 I passed my California Marriage and Family Therapist Standard Written Exam!  I am studying again for the next exam.  It is nearly unreal.  I am almost there.  I keep waiting for the other shoe to fall.  I struggle with self sabotage.  I am working so hard not to allow myself to slip into my self-sabotage mode.  (I struggle to force myself to study).  But I am going to do it.  A nearly 8 year journey is nearly over and a new one is about to begin.

I am studying for my first California Marriage and Family Therapist Exam - which is called the Standard Written Exam.  I am using http://www.therapistdevelopmentcenter.com/ to help me study. To force myself to work forward (I am a procrastinator at heart) I have set my exam date to March 11th at 9am.  I have a lot to study - and I am extremely anxious.  When I pass this exam, I will have one more exam to pass and then I will finally be a licensed Marriage and Family Therapist. Well I better quit putting it off and get some studying done today.  I HATE studying but at least I am no longer driving my son everywhere so I have more time to settle into studying - I LOVE him having his license.

Now it is the time of year when we actually start working on our intentions - we plant the seeds - we start actively spending energy to make our seeds of intent grow. So let's see how I am coming along with each of my intents. 1.  To walk more  - I got new shoes that are made for walking - expensive (in my view) but hopefully worth it.  Started walking and am able to walk faster. 2.  To make sure I do self-care - I am taking more time for myself.  Actually visiting with friends - and doing things that make me feel better. 3.  To pass my licensing exams - starting studying 4.  To find a way to be supportive of my daughter and not enable her - have limited my contact with her to very occasional - after I tried to help her move to CO and she didn't get to the airport with enough time to get through security - I know she is not ready. 5.  To continue to follow the path the Goddess has put in front of me especially when it comes to being ...

The Seed Full Moon is a time for planting first crops, especially corn.  It is when you start to make things happen and the energy to start to create.  Seeds will be planted and creation will happen.  The seeds will start to sprout from this energy.  This is a good time in your personal life to really dig your heels in and start those projects you intended to start this year.  Today especially the energy is very powerful towards creativity and initiating the beginning of what you start. Today I will finish writing up all of my paperwork for my practice and I will also set some ideas in motion to create my practice in a unique way.

Today is the Full Storm Moon.  Storms are often brewing in the weather and in our lives.  This moon is at the end of February or in March and before the Vernal Equinox.  The weather is violently vacillating between winter and spring.  Often we are dealing with the same in our own emotional realm.  We are struggling between still being in our dark realm of self-reflection and starting to come out and be part of a community.  We struggle to make room for others in our plans or seeing how our plans affect others.  This year I struggle with being good to myself and doing my walks and taking care of myself health wise and fostering my new business and learning how to reconnect with others.  I am finding I do not have the energy and time to fully do both so I am working to find the "happy medium" and feel kind of stormy as I struggle to find my way.

Well another calendar year! I try to remind myself that it is unwritten and I can fill up the calendar with my own accomplishments, dreams and events.  I listen to this song to really remind myself.  I had a wonderful birthday with my hubby who is very kind and caring and gives simple and yet extremely thoughtful gifts. I look forward to the new year and making my dreams come true.

This year has been such a challenging year.  This year I had only three of seeds of intention that I planted.  1.  To continue to support my daughter in every way I could to help her healing.  2.  To support my husband during his lower surgeries.  3.  To continue towards becoming a therapist working with families struggling with RAD. One thing that I have learned to trust although it is still really hard is that when you put an intention out there and focus on it, you have to understand that it may not come to fruition the way you planned or thought it would.  When I decided on my intentions last year and imagined what my life would be like now, I never imagined it would be this way.  I imagined that my daughter would probably have been given another 6 months to a year at the group home she was this time last year and she would be an hour away and making progress to coming home.  I imagined my hubby would be finished with his su...