Lady Heather's Domain: My life in a Nutshell

The Full Hay Moon is also sometimes called Thunder Moon.  It is the first moon after the Summer Solstice.  As the name implies it is when we can harvest hay.  At this time it is a good to start focusing on what we will do with our harvest and how best to harvest the fruits of our labor.  That last sentence may seem backwards but you must first know what you want to do with your fruits  - to know how to harvest.  For example if something did not work out like you wanted, it might be best to learn from it and use it as fertilizer for the next set of crops.  Maybe the fruit just wasn't so sweet so maybe you will dry it instead of canning it.  This lets you know how you will go about harvesting it. This year I am working hard on getting my health in order so that my harvest will be a healthier me.

Litha - Summer Solstice - The Beginning of summer.  This is the longest day of the year and now the nights will lengthen.  This is a time of manifestation.  We are seeing what the hard work on our intentions look like. This year my intentions are: My Seeds of Intent 1.  Continue to work on my health - now on insulin and trying to figure out how to keep my blood sugars down - I am going to Rock Steady Boxing and working out 3 days a week. 2.  Start balancing my case load so it is not overwhelming -  managing my clients and my personal life much better 3.  Continue to follow the path the Goddess has put in front of me especially when it comes to being a therapist - taking on more clients that are on the gender spectrum 4.  Continue to process letting go of my daughter - no longer having panic attacks about her as often 5.  Be good to myself - doing that 6.  Focus on organizing my life so it allows me to do what I need to do ...

In April, about halfway through the month, the thunderstorms of March are beginning to subside, and the wind picks up which is often why this is called the Wind Moon.  Seeds are being blown about on the breezes, spreading life all around from one place to the next. In fact, this lunar cycle is often known as the Seed Moon. Trees have buds on them, spring daffodils and tulips abound, and the birds are nesting once more. Much like March, this is a time of conception and fertility and new growth. For me, it is just that.  I am starting a lot of new growth.  I have come to peace with my feelings about my daughter and accepting my Parkinson's.  I have found a great program called Rock Steady Boxing that hopefully will help me get to where I want to go.  I will miss the rains and the speed of growth and creation around me, but look forward to working on my seeds of intent and my life.

Today, March 19th, is the first day of SPRING!!!! This is what is happening to my seeds of intent: 1.  Continue to work on my health - now looking for a personal trainer 2.  Start balancing my case load so it is not overwhelming - raised my fees and taking more on my gender specialty side. 3.  Continue to follow the path the Goddess has put in front of me especially when it comes to being a therapist - just letting options open in front of me, 4.  Continue to process letting go of my daughter - did a very intense therapy that has helped. 5.  Be good to myself allowing myself to focus on emotional and then switching to physical not trying both at the same time. 6.  Focus on organizing my life so it allows me to do what I need to do to be good to myself - constantly working on new ways of being organized. I am motivated to keep actively working and creating the picture of my future - I have good days and bad days but the good is outweighing the...

It is a hard day for me.  Today is my daughter's 21st birthday.  I can't talk to her.  I don't even know if she is ok.  I hate that we have to have a 5 year no contact order to help both of us heal, but I know we need it.  I so had looked forward to so many things for today.  I am sad that we cannot celebrate her birthday together.  If she sees this - just know - you will always be in my heart.

Full Oak Moon is the full moon before Yule. The oak is a symbol of strength and eternity. When the winter is in full reign over the Earth, it is important to remember the oak’s endurance. To survive the trials of winter, people must find within themselves the oak’s great strength. It is important at this time of year that roots are pushed deep into the Earth so you can survive through the storms - no wonder it is a time of family gatherings and sharing of resources (Thanksgiving, Holiday events and such) - we need our families and they help us find our inner strength when the world around us seems brutally cold. This year some of our traditions are changing as my son no longer lives at home.  Life is full of changes but it is important to keep connected.  We still will do Christmas Morning with stockings and we still got to have a family Christmas.  My hubby and I will celebrate Yule on our own this year BUT my son says he would like to celebrate Yule with...

Since I gave the victim statement to the court for my daughter, I have been slowly working on coming to terms with letting go and allowing myself and my daughter to heal separately.  Then came time to start my annual family newsletter.  Do I just remove her?  That didn't sound right, but what do I do?  Through therapy, I realized I needed to be honest.  I have always been my daughter's PR person so to speak.  Making things sound the best they could so family could see the positive side of her.  I realize that is not my job anymore and I was able to nicely put that she is still struggling and we do not have contact.  I know some will judge but I am finally becoming honest with myself that I have done everything I can and it is now time for both of us to heal on our own.

So this year my seeds of intent were: This year I had 4 seeds in my apple. So this year my seeds of intent are: And for this next year I got 4 seeds of intent and they are going to be: 1.  Continue to get healthier and try to get all blood tests into the normal range. While I stumbled a bit, I was able to find out my heart is healthy and I am doing pretty good with my blood work. 2.  To increase my speaking and work towards becoming a speaker. I will be speaking at an event in November and continue to speak at Sacramento State. 3.  Continue to follow the path the Goddess has put in front of me especially when it comes to being a therapist. I am learning to take what comes and work with it.  The Goddess is providing a wonderful learning experience with the path she is leading me on. 4.  Start figuring out how to move from Sacramento. I now see it will be harder than I planned, and I know for at least a year or so we need to be here in Sacramento...

The Hunter's Full Moon or Blood Full Moon is the first full moon after Mabon (Autumn Equinox).  The Hunter's Full Moon is named because the full moon give light to hunters tracking their prey before the cold winter settles in.  They are able to stock up on the protein they will need to make it through the winter. In October, we see the Blood Moon travel through the sky. This moon is also called the Shedding Moon or the Falling Leaf Moon, depending on where you live. In many places, it's the Hunter's Moon - it's no coincidence that hunting season is in the late fall. Coming right before Samhain, this is a time when the nights are crisp and clear, and you can sense a change in the energy around you. My daughter will be released from jail really soon.  A new chapter will start where I will not know where she is or what she is doing and that is tough - letting go will be really hard for me.

  This year I am really working at making healthy decisions.  Next week I will have foot surgery so that I can walk better and get myself back on track.   I am feeling pretty good about my life at this point in time.  I am working on myself emotionally and professionally.  My husband and I are still in love and I am looking forward to the weather cooling.   Let peace go where we let things go and let everything we let go, leave us with the knowledge and experiences we need for the future.

Today I went to court to give my victim's statement re: my daughter's burglary charge from her burglarizing our home. Below is my statement. There is now a 5 year no contact order in place. I hope she gets her life together.   To my daughter Grace, Nearly 16 years ago you came into my life. I struggled to be the mom that you needed. I know I wasn't perfect and I have made plenty of mistakes. The worst day in my life was when I got the 1:30 am phone call by a man who was torturing you and was going to kill you if I didn't give him the money. 5 hours away, I had never felt so helpless, neither Bakersfield nor Sacramento Sheriff's Department could help me help you. I thought after all of that, things would change, but they didn't. 2 weeks after that horrible night, you broke my heart by breaking into our home. You allowed others to invade our home to party, trash it and steal from us. You stole our car and the credit...

Beltane is a time of Expression - it is time to express your intentions.  You have planned and created and now it is time to really work on your intentions.  This year I am seeing the possibilities of my new practice/career and need to keep working on it to make it thrive. My Seeds of Intent 1.  Continue to get healthier and try to get all blood tests into the normal range. Getting closer to doing that - my blood work is coming back closer to normal 2.  To increase my speaking and work towards becoming a speaker. Took on a speaking engagement on LGBTQ Safe Zone 3.  Continue to follow the path the Goddess has put in front of me especially when it comes to being a therapist. Following my heart, working with clients, doing more Transgender work 4.  Start figuring out how to move from Sacramento. Going to visit OR at the end of July to see clients that moved So many changes and exciting things happening, I look forward to see what the rest...

So after nearly 2 years of waiting to testify against the horrible person who raped and tortured my daughter, he was let go.  My daughter could not be found so they dropped the charges.  It worries me and breaks my heart because he will go back onto the same streets my daughter is living on and she is in danger.  I did everything I could to protector but in the end there wasn't anything I could do.  My heart breaks and now I must start moving on.

So Monday the DA in Bakersfield told me that they are trying to get a courtroom so they try next on Thursday.  I feel like this is never ending.  I had to wait through November and December last year and then they decided to dismiss and refile because it had gone on so long and then we had to start all of the beginning stuff again. Hopefully this time it will happen in the next few weeks and this chapter of my life can be over with.  Going on 2 years is a long time.

So today the trial got delayed another week because the Defense is in another trial.  My daughter did not show up and I am so worried that she will get herself in more trouble by not following through.  On the plus side this weekend and today I made headway converting my client files into a system that will be easier to use.  Progress - looking forward to getting that all completed.

Tomorrow we will find out if my daughter is going to follow through with testifying.  Hopefully she will contact the DA and move forward.  I would get to see her if that is the case.  I just all of this over with but I want it over with by him going to prison so he won't hurt anyone anymore.

So it looks like my daughter is not going to cooperate with the DA and testify on the case when Michael Lenoir tortured her.  I am so frustrated, he may just be let go.  Monday the DA will see if she hears from my daughter and then decide to see if they can put forward a plea deal. It would be such a disappointing ending for this drawn out drama to just let him go.  I still hope my daughter will testify.  I hope there is something we can do otherwise he will be out and able to do this again.

I have been struggling so much to not let the mean things my daughter says to get to me but it always gets me especially when she basically says I was a horrible mom. I just don't know how to let it go and know that is where she is right now.  Each time she says it I feel like I want to defend my parenting by telling her all I have done.  I just can't do that - it doesn't help.  I need to let go of the hurt and now that that is her perception currently and it may or may not ever change.

Now it is the time of year when we actually start working on our intentions - we plant the seeds - we start actively spending energy to make our seeds of intent grow. So let's see how I am coming along with each of my intents. 1.  Continue to get healthier and try to get all blood tests into the normal range. I am back to exercising and now I am doing virtual races which are giving me more incentives. 2.  To increase my speaking and work towards becoming a speaker. I am probably going to be the pre-license speaker for SVC-CAMFT's Feb training 3.  Continue to follow the path the Goddess has put in front of me especially when it comes to being a therapist. Found a therapy model called Wisdom Path Parenting and it fits me really well. 4.  Start figuring out how to move from Sacramento. Hubby and I are now actively looking at our options and we both have an idea of what our next steps are. I feel more energized than I ever have and feel so good physica...

A time to look inward and draw up your plans for the year.  A time to remember the importance of family and friends and to make sure you priortize for the year.  Remember self-care. At this time of year I start actively figuring out what I will need for the next year and starting to implement the foundation of what I will be doing. 1.  Continue to get healthier and try to get all blood tests into the normal range. - Increase my walking and set new goals 2.  To increase my speaking and work towards becoming a speaker. - work on speaking in public more often - plan training classes 3.  Continue to follow the path the Goddess has put in front of me especially when it comes to being a therapist. - continue to work with my coach on using my spirituality to guide me. 4.  Start figuring out how to move from Sacramento.  - make a plan to start visiting places - consider actually getting a job somewhere.