Lady Heather's Domain: My life in a Nutshell

Full Milk Moon is usually in May but this year it is at the end of April.  It is often called the Milk Moon because baby goats and calves have just started to be born so cow and goat milk is plentiful.   It is a time when planting is the main focus and birth and new life is plentiful. I am taking this time to continue to put energy into my new practice and to nurture it with the ideas and sustenance I have been receiving.  It will take time and hard work but it will pay off eventually.

I have learned a lot from this book and am finding myself filled with more joy and peace than I ever have.  The biggest positive is that I am able to accept love and really know I am loved.  I now know I am worthy of love and deserve it.  I am working on learning how to stay in a place of peace more often and it will take time - I know my quest will be eternal but I sure like how I am living and enjoying life now.

My relationship with my daughter does not work.  I need to work on allowing myself to love her unconditionally and letting her make her own mistakes and choices.  I can continue to advocate for her best interests and try to limit suggesting what she should do.  She has to walk her own path as much as it breaks my heart to see her struggle and fail, it needs to be her own choices and consequences like my choices and their consequences are mine.

Today I give myself permission to be loved and accept love. A simple yet tough statement for me - one that I am making more and more progress on.

Today, was a good day to practice being quiet.  My son was gone and I was able to relax.  Everytime a negative thought or feeling came through my mind (that I realized) I worked on making it positive.  If I thought of my frustrating relationship with my daughter - I thought how lucky I was to have met her and have become a much better person because of my relationship with her.  I felt more and more peaceful throughout the day.  I know there will be days that I cannot do this - but I know I am in charge of my own thoughts and feelings and don't have to let someone else take my power away from me.

I am willing to let go of my controlling behavior today.  I am learning to accept that I am not in control of others and am willing to give up that ugly part of myself that tries to control what others do.

I "believe" my being a good parent to both children completes me.  I try to hold onto my relationship with my daughter no matter what even when she wants to pull away.  It is going to be hard work but I am slowly trying to imagine myself without the relationship with my daughter.  The thought brings me great sadness and yet a bit of peace.  This is something I have been working on slowly over the past year - allowing myself to be a mother and not always having the relationship with my daughter that I cling to.  I am finding being an advocate for her is helpful, but I need to learn to feel ok about myself even if the relationship with my daughter goes away.